Saturday, January 19, 2019

BIRTHDAYS...


Call me old fashioned, control freak, ridiculous or whatever the hell you want but I hate birthday parties and specially kids' birthday parties. I was skeptical about having kids with one of the reasons being the need to attend birthday parties and when last week I went to see play schools for A, I asked them what kind of B-day celebrations do they allow in their school. No kidding, that's my criteria for school selection. 
Before baby, my aversion to such parties was because I found them boring but after A, the aversion increased many folds drawing my attention to many different reasons.
  • Reason to party; we host these parties for the joy of our little ones (actually really little ones, I am talking about) who seem to cry more that day than they did the day they were born! And if we are doing it to celebrate our parenthood, still those little ones are at lose. The crackers, overengaging crowd, screaming children, all that is quite unpleasant for them. 
  • The cake; with the fondant, bright and unnatural colors and edible stickers..!! Why is that even legal!!
  • The gifts; of course those are to be passed on to someone celebrating their birthdays in the coming months. And the return gifts as chocolates, chips and plastic toys..!! Can't these formalities be skipped for the sake of children's health and parent's sanity..!! 
  • The menu; it is well thought of and "kid friendly" as they put it. Mostly white sauce pasta, sandwiches and fries. Seriously, is that kid friendly..!!?? 
  • The games (which now a days is "entertainment" with anchors, who sometimes forget to filter their speeches considering the number of kids present) ; but mostly the balloons used for decorations are the star of such parties. All the kids, tiniest to tallest can be found playing with them. 
Do we really need such celebrations!?
"Oh shut up you nazist, kids love them and it's for them" people argue. No, kids love them because we introduced just that one way of celebration. I bet if given a chance to play in the dirt, roll all day with puppies or climb, jump, discover wonders nature has to offer ; none of the kids would opt for "party". It's not their concept of celebration anyways, it's their inheritance.
I am not saying that amendments should be passed in the constitution to ban the birthday parties. I am not a Hitler. All I want to say is that, if we cannot avoid having them (Indian family/social scenario), let's make them a little indigenous, sensible and sensitive rather than a business of show and pomp about who brought a better theme to the floor. Shall we?
Make cakes out of seasonal halwas or bake healthier earthen cakes at home involving the birthday girl/boy, milkshakes or serbets instead of coke floats and frootis, ladoos in place of cupcakes, pulao in place of pasta and open ground venues instead of marbled halls.
Had read somewhere that the number of children you invite for your child's birthday should be equal to their age. Such a brilliant thought! At two, A does not really like being with same aged kids but loves dancing and jumping around with his elder cousins. And the most active time of the day for him is the evening, so I made up plans to call over his cousins for an hour in the evening, put on the music and let him decide the rest. And as he grows to an age where he can marvel different experiences and remember them, we would change the way we celebrate his growth by offering him bountiful of experiences.
If we consider every moment as an opportunity to teach our child valuable lessons then this one is a big one to teach them modesty, genuinity and what and how to celebrate.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

FILLING IN THE BIG BOOTS

A loves his grandfathers more than the grandmothers. So, yesterday I was thinking why is he being gender biased even when he does not know what gender means! The reason is evident.

The GFs are more hands on guardians; ready to brush his teeth, wash his butt (remember, kids think that it is a privilege they offer only to their favorites), become whatsoever animal he wants them to become. The GMs don't really get into these activities with him. So naturally he favors GF over GM.

No no no, don't run away. This is not another post on grandparenting. I want to analyze why this happens and what should we remember for this to not continue with the future generation. So, I find that the GMs were hands on mothers of their time, giving their most for the children and to the children whereas the GFs hardly knew which grade their children were in. So what does that imply!?

The fathers! Yes this one is about them. Those who think that just by having a small human running around in the house fulfills their role, those who think they are not wired or designed to handle a fragile little being, those who think that earning for their future is more important than spending time playing with them or those who think a collective time over a weekend can suffice for everyday lost time. Guys, you are going to be great GFs undoubtedly because till the time you realize that you are missing time with your children, it will be your time to have grandchildren. And so you may put in extra love in nurturing them.

Of course I am not saying, fathers don't love their children. And before you try to justify yourself or try to tell me the other side of the story, let me tell you there are exceptions.  Exceptions like my best buddy, who quit his job to be a full time dad (of course there must have been personal reasons and discussions over the decision but I want to focus on his willingness) and I have told him to get is gene pool investigated to crack his biological code. Ha ha kidding. It's not coding anyways, it's the conditioning.

So ladies (mothers), it's too late nagging your spouses to change. They need to realize it themselves. That case is not in your hands but what is in your hands is the conditioning of your boys.


  • Encourage them for doll play. Don't force them though but if they have a stuffed toy that they like, ask them to feed it, tuck it in bed for sleep and take it out on their tricycles. 
  • Have a pet and ask them to groom him, take him for walks and feed him. 
  • Ask them to look after their younger kin and help them whenever they need. 
  • Include them in household chores, especially cooking  (it's a basic survival need that everyone irrespective of gender should learn). 
  • When they reach a reasoning and understanding age, ask them to respect girls around them. Best way is to find them a role model, preferably the father (hopefully they decide to change by then) to show them their share of responsibility in the household chores, discussing and sharing of important decisions and all other chivalrous activities. 


So before they step in to the big boots, we need to fill in the gaps. Enough raising our girls to be equals. We need a change in the mindset.
Raise your boys to be equals.



Saturday, January 5, 2019

THE AGONY OF BEING THE FIRST CHILD

I had jumped with Joy when mom told me that I was going to get a little sister. Little did I know that the love and attention that I got till now was going to be divided. A hundred times I would have told my sister that we picked her up from dustbin and she did not belong to the family. 😈

I could express my resentment when my sister got more love than me. And so the parents made up for it, in some way or the other. But now that I am a parent with the first child of different species, I am experiencing the whole past again.

In the beginning of the parenting journey we had inkling of an idea that jealousy was ought to seep in and so we were ready with a plan. We decided that as the baby would need me more initially, the dad would prioritize the dog. The plan worked. The father - son duo came so close in that period that they even developed a secret sign language. I was relieved that my elder one was big enough, not to need me.

Initially, Limo understood that A needed more attention and care and he allowed me to care for A before him. But now as A is in his terrible twos with demands soaring sky, I notice changes in my fur child too. He demands too! And he won't settle for later.

He wants me to make his meals and won't sleep in grandparents room. We will sometimes even bury himself awkwardly in the tiny space between me and A, to snuggle up with me. He never loved long drives that much but now when A is ready with the car keys, Limo is already near the car ready to pounce in. When I play hide and seek with A, Limo will nudge me to play the same with him too. At the very same time! When I whip up a treat for A, Limo will want the same even if he had never bothered to sniff the same treat in the past.

He wants an equal share of me. He puts it loud and clear. Children young or old, two-legged or four-legged, they need their mothers. So now as we are tending to a toddler in his terrible two, we are also dealing with a demanding daschie.

P. S. That makes our park visits lot more fun.
For others, I mean.