tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42817482706076171842024-03-12T20:22:02.644-07:00me & ideas I am here to share the Eunoia through my journey internally and externally.ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.comBlogger124125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-85383004016210281842019-12-18T20:16:00.002-08:002019-12-18T20:16:36.282-08:00ROUTINE - A NECESSITY <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I have always been a person who associates the word 'routine' with monotony. I would purposefully do something out of the everyday routine to just break it, like I'd skip bathing for a day if nothing else is working out. So, hearing from me about routines for children, can be a complete shocker or stupid or essential. I mean come on, if I can now relate routine with harmony rather than monotony, the story is worth going through, right!<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191219_094555_938.sdoc--><br />
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Okay, you don't have to go through everything to learn a lesson. It's not necessary to take the harder way always, I chose an easy one here. If I say my parenting began before I had a baby, then it won't be wrong. I am this, analyzing, judging and ruminating over facts kind of person. So, before conceiving I observed all the kids around me, asked their mothers about their day to day activities and much more. I have seen that, those babies who had no regular bedtimes became the preschoolers who gave their parents tough times in the morning when schools began, those toddlers who did not have proper eating habits became the teenagers who bent towards junk food more often, those who were never taught proper communicating etiquette became adults who were annoying in the public scenes. I came to a conclusion that if I have a baby, I will have to turn upside down to retain my sanity in future. No matter what it takes, who says what (giving that the Indian family routines are bizarre), I will have to stick to proper routines.<br />
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I mean, everyone is born with a concept of time even if they can or cannot read a clock. Look at my first babe, Limo loves sleeping and sleeps late in the evening on the sofa but exactly by quarter to eight, he wakes up, stretches out and by dot eight he is right in front of me, nose to nose, just an inch away, starring into my eyes and saying "it's dinner time mommy, get your lazy butt to kitchen and warm up my meal". So, if a dog can sense time then a human baby is expected much more of - routine. <br />
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No one loves routine, neither a baby nor a toddler and never a teenager. But at every stage in life, routine plays a different role. When a baby goes through same routine for meals and bedtime each day, he knows what to expect and what is expected of him. He might fuss in the beginning but a few days down the line, he is habituated. When he turns to a toddler, a few things that would excite him are to be added to keep him aligned to the plan but the routine remains constant. Even if he hates it, he himself reminds you if you skip a step between. And what happens when they turn teenagers? The routine by then is memorized by their body and it is easy to trick the mind but not the body. <br />
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You can endlessly argue over why you are not able to set a routine with your child but the winner will always be a - routine. A good routine or a bad routine, set by purpose or unintentionally, it will have a domino effect on the coming years of the child and you'll see that. Observe<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191219_093332_693.sdoc--></div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-31023445679267011812019-12-04T08:47:00.000-08:002019-12-04T08:48:44.873-08:00THE BOOKS WE LOVE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Like every other sincere parent around, even I want my son to grow up with books, loving them and wanting them. But whenever I go out to buy some for him, all I see around are the navneet books of ABC, 123, names of animals, fruits and things. Ugh..... To hell with the ABC, man. A two year old is least bothered about the facts and lessons plated out to them in a very straight manner. Then there are nursery rhymes books of baba black sheep, humpty dumpty and what not, not relatable either. And the panchtantra stories...!! Yes I get it, they are all moral loaded but still not age appropriate for a toddler and then those classic stories like Cinderella and pinocchio, seriously but they have so much text that needs patience which no two year old exhibits. So is it an open and shut case? Should I just postpone my book indulgence fantasy for a later age?<br />
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I would have but thanks to Amazon.com, I found many books and authors who really understand the toddler brain and their learning ways. And once you buy a few from Amazon, it just keeps suggesting more and more similar books. Ah, I love Amazon for this and I am sure Amazon too would love me for buying hysterically. <br />
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But, trust me once you see what amazing magnetic qualities these books have and how creatively they impart knowledge to the kids, you'd prefer signing your will to Amazon than breaking your head teaching your child from textbooks. So, let me list a few of my favorites with description and many more with just the titles.<br />
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1. THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR by ERIC CARLE -<br />
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Ergonomically, the book is perfect for a tiny toddler hand and sturdy for his explosive ideas. This hardcover book, not just shows the child the life cycle of a Caterpillar but also teaches the names of the days of week, numbers 1 to 5 and the power of eating greens. Boom...!! So much in a pint sized book...!!<br />
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2. YOU, ME AND EMPATHY by JAYNEEN SANDERS -<br />
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This one as the name suggests, teaches empathy. It has rhyming text and descriptive pictures that work best for a 2-3 year old. A has definitely learned to empathize with me to begin with and I am grateful for that. <br />
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3. DON'T LET THEM DISAPPEAR by CHELSEA CLINTON -<br />
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This book has a collection of 10 animals that are close to extinction. Not a storybook but a book that describe each animal, their daily routines, food they eat and fun facts . Ok, this one is going to cost us a fortune as A wants to visit these animals in their natural habitat places. But anyways, we had pledged not to introduce him to the caged animals and lock in his mind the prevailing myth that human race is the only significant specie on earth.<br />
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4. THE TINY SEED by ERIC CARLE -<br />
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This one teaches about different seasons and all the conditions that are essential for the germination of seed and growth of a plant. Amazing concept and story line.<br />
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5. THE BAD TEMPERED LADYBUG by ERIC CARLE -<br />
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Along with the repercussions of being bad tempered, this book teaches about the concept of time. The book has pages, graphics and story sequenced so beautifully that you see the movement of sun throughout the day and also learn reading clocks. Eric Carle is a genius..!<br />
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6. GANESHA'S SWEET TOOTH by SANJAY PATEL -<br />
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Looking at the mind blowing graphics of this book, I thought I bought a wrong one for his age but watching him decipher the complexity of graphics to understand the characters sketched in the book, I think it was totally worth the buy. And ofcourse Ganesha is the God all kids love, may be because of the sweets...<br />
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7. RHYMES FOR ANNIE ROSE by SHIRLEY HUGHES -<br />
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Okay, it's not A but me who hates the typical nursery rhymes and honestly, there is no rule that without knowing them you cannot move further in life. So, I bought this one for A. The pictures are very realistic in this one but what I loved the most is that all the rhymes are grown around the character Annie Rose and her everyday life and activities. Very relatable and imaginative.<br />
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8. ONCE UPON AN ALPHABET by OLIVER JEFFERS -<br />
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Like I said, learning ABC from the navneet books is very cliche and uncreative. So we got more graphical and interesting ones, out of which I really liked this one. So, every letter has got a story which has characters and events that start with the same letter and hence the lessons of letters and phonics happen together. Isn't it wonderful...!?<br />
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9. THE MONKEY WITH A BRIGHT BLUE BOTTOM and THE VERY GREEDY BEE by STEVE SMALLMAN -<br />
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These were the very first ones I bought for A, from a bookstore! The stories are fun and the pictures are really descriptive. A loves them so much that they have withered within two years of buying them.<br />
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Now, I am not an expert or a critic to review books. But the fact that I love books (and now children's books), encourages me to buy more. I have loved all the books that I bought for him but him, I tell you, these little experts can be cruel critics. He listens carefully and then observes the images on the page and if they don't relate much, that book is touched rarely and only when forced, like this one we bought called "Farmer Falgu goes to the market" and then he has his own sense of graphics and if the book does not have catchy pictures or interesting lines than that too goes in the back of the shelf like this one we have called "The ant thief". But there are many more that we love like "Here we are, notes for living on planet earth", "Clouds", "Energy - makes things happen", "Forces - make things move", "The mixed up Chameleon" and almost all by Eric Carle. <br />
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Sure, these books will cost you five to ten times that of the navneet books but what they have to offer, is priceless. These books by great creative artists and writers, brings so much art in these little people and art is enticing, irrespective of age. To grab a child's attention the book has to be appealing in every sense. You feed your eyes before you feed your other sense organs, does not just stand true for the food we eat but also for the food we feed our brains. Feed good, reap even better.<br />
<i>P.S. Check my upcoming Instagram story feed for future book purchases. </i><br />
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-39103190937043090892019-11-18T05:30:00.000-08:002019-11-18T06:03:34.635-08:00THE BOY WHO WEARS A BINDI<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Last night we were playing dress up with A. We made him wear my scarf as a saree and took my mom's bindi to put on his forehead. Awe, he looked like a pretty little girl and we all teased him and had fun. After sometime when we wanted to pack up, he came up and said "I want to wear the saree and bindi, I like it very much". My dad's jovial voice turned serious and he said "now don't ever dress him like a girl". This got me thinking.<br />
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Saree and bindi are not gender specific, are they? Look at our past, our ancestors wore dhoti and angvastram irrespective of their gender. And some communities still have their males wearing tilaks which are bindis in a way. Then why does a boy's liking for saree and bindi become alarming to us? Why do we buy kitchen sets for girls and doctor's set and mechanics set for boys? Oh wait, yes, we evolved. Now we get doctor's and mechanics set for girls too. But still no rolling pins and whiskers for boys. Do you see how we are creating imbalance in the society?<br />
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As described in yoga, within every human body is the ida and the pingala. These are energy channels or nadi which represent the basic duality of existence. Ida and pingala stand for feminine and masculine, intuition and logic, respectively. That means both the energies reside in every body! But nowadays, we don't look beyond bodies. We have confused characteristics with sex. Anything that is punished or rewarded when done by one sex but not by the other is gendered behavior, either masculine or feminine depending on which sex the behavior is "allowed" in.<br />
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No one is perfectly masculine or feminine—that is, no one tends to do only the things their culture defines as appropriate to just their sex. If I talk about us, between me and my husband, he is the one who takes more time shopping and he is the one who is better at housekeeping; on the other hand, I am the one who is least bothered about my looks and my attire and it's me again who cannot multitask when its worldwide proven that women are better at multitasking. Does that make me or him anything less of our respective sex? No. In fact, we are perfect yin and yang together but the ideologies that have been fitted in our heads since the very initial years about gender specific characteristics make us doubt ourselves and criticize other person's shortcomings. <br />
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There is a section of society that celebrates the men who enter the kitchen and women who step out for earning a living and then there is the other half of the society that mocks at these same people. But, ideally they shouldn't be treated any differently. When a man and a woman come together to set up a household, there are a set of responsibilities that are to be dealt with and who picks what should not be anyone else's business. As an individual, a person should learn to exist and evolve, for which he needs to learn to earn and to cook (and much more) but when two individuals come together they share the duties. And the future generation observes when duties are been taken care of. They are wired to replicate until they grow their own brains and till then what they have perceived so far solidifies as universal rules or habits. And thus, the cycle of imbalance continues. <br />
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We need to stop this cycle. We need to stop genderizing every activity, every characteristic and every attribute and let every individual bloom into his own person. Putting a bindi, helping me in kitchen or grooving with all hip circles on music will not turn my son into a gay or preventing him from all this will not protect him from being one if he is meant to be. My job is not to restrict his ideology and identity but to ensure that he gets an environment where he can boldly and respectfully be the best of whatever he chooses to be.<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191118_185457_399.sdoc--></div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-53709414280595806642019-11-10T20:27:00.002-08:002019-11-10T20:27:18.847-08:00TRACK AND TRACE METHOD <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Keeping your toddler busy while giving his brain right kind of stimulation to increase the brain power and physical agility is challenging but quite an interesting project to take on.<br />
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After deciphering our language learning path, I figured out that me teaching him or someone else teaching him will be forced learning at any point in his life but if he has the urge to learn, to know then he will find the source of learning and do it all willingly. And just then, I stumbled upon the term called child led learning. There are ways to make child led learning happen without forcing them to sit, concentrate or leave their play in between. Forcing them to learn something just because their peers have already learnt it, will either turn them into submissive or rebellious beings. But, if we just bring things to their notice and then wait for them to naturally build their curiosity about it, then neither we'll have to force them into learning nor worry if they are learning enough. Hence we need to understand that lessons can be weaved around their plays and plays can be created to direct learning. <br />
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I know, we are so grained into the mundane that coming up with new ways of initiating learning seems difficult and doubting that the system can be flawed is impossible as we've been conditioned to follow the usual, blindfoldedly. Okay, I am not inventing something up or doing something extraordinary out of quest to promote organic learning ways. There are methods established that can give us ideas on how to integrate play with work and also bring to our notice what are the most foundational lessons for learning and how those lessons can be imbibed in a child to the earliest so that he can reap its benefits sooner in life. These methods of learning, like Unit method, Charlotte Mason method, Montessori method, Waldorf method, Unschooling method and Radical Unschooling method have been built on different concepts of raising learners for life. Each one is different in its approach but their concern over treating a child as a data feeding computer is the same.<br />
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No, I am not saying we all need to follow them to their written points or that we need to do courses in the respective method to be able to bring them into our homes. Thanks to Google, we can access their ideologies and tips and bring in whatever we find suitable and necessary for our house and child. <br />
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Ever since I figured this out, I have fixed a way to bring new learnings into his notice. I plant them around him and let him approach them when he feels interested. Here's our step by step recipe to learning derived from intensive Google research and own experience-<br />
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1. Firstly, I erased all the benchmarks I had put together in my mind watching other kids, like ABC by 1.5 years, 1000 words by 2.5 years and early schooling.<br />
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2. I then started observing A and his efforts throughout the day. He is always upto something and if I pay attention, I learn what the ultimate goal he is trying to accomplish like may be learning to jump or trying to understand the arrangement of batteries in his car or light and shadow.<br />
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3. Then, I go ahead and acknowledge his efforts and try to motivate him for sticking to it and not giving up if he cannot crack down what he is trying to learn. Sometimes though, he wants to be left alone. And I do so even if I know he is heading the wrong way.<br />
<br />4. Ignition. When the first three steps are taken care of, I am in a position to know what is it that he is ready for but is foraging in the wrong direction or what is it that he is ready to take on as a next learning step. Here, I know I should intervene in the subtlest way. I put an idea or method in front of him (mostly in the form of a book, as it's our chosen way of learning about things but also sometimes by practical examples) and let him decide if he wants to take it. If you know the toddler brain, they would never accept help and so does A. But once he figures out he needs to take it for further exploration, he accepts it and comes to me for further queries regarding the same if need be.<br />
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So basically, INTRODUCE - WITHDRAW - WAIT - JUMP IN (ONLY IF INVITED) that is my game plan. So, he learns through his own queries at his own pace and on his own track, not through a predetermined path and I trace the subtlest of his development and guide him. We are still in a dilemma of schooling or unschooling but till we decide, we'll continue with this track and trace method of learning. <!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191111_095110_959.sdoc--></div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-6190029606652663452019-10-30T06:27:00.000-07:002019-10-30T06:27:59.515-07:00THE MAGIC OF STORYTELLING <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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We belong to the culture that has thrived on stories. Everything from customs to science to code of conduct was transmitted generation after generation, through stories. Sadly though, we got invaded and turned to "education" for wisdom instead. But somewhere in everyone of us, there are still those genes that pull us towards stories.<br />
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What do we call as stories? Everything, I would say. Even the events that occurred in front of us are scrutinized by us, before we pass them on and hence are more like stories than facts. We all are storytellers in a way. We want to tell others about something that we experienced in a very interesting way and when the audience seems to be pleased or amused by our story, we gather more confidence in our ways of communicating, perceiving things and experiencing everything. Around the age of three, the world of imagination lightens up and pretend plays begin. We can see the child talking to himself, to his toys as if they are alive and coming over to share the awe of his experiences. <br />
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Where does this vanish off in the later stage? It doesn't and it cannot. We are storytelling species and cannot live without it but it does get muted with time, if it's not fed with listening. Even though everyone can tell a story, not everyone can pull the audience. But it is also the other way. Those who get the audience, turn into better storytellers. As a parent, we are the first audiences to the budding storytellers in the house. Just a little more ears to their experiences, their derivations from the experience and occasional brooding over their stories together can boost so much confidence in them. Listening would also encourage them to become better listeners and better listeners are always better learners, aren't they? <br />
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Now, how do we turn listeners to learners? Listening, in a broad perspective also includes observation. Once they have developed the love for stories, they naturally intend to find more stories around them which brings in better observation and better listening. We need to use these skills and present more mediums of stories to enable learning. Oral way of storytelling is the most ancient and preferred way but the contemporary ways are endless, though sometimes needless. Richest form, still are the books that enhance the vocabulary but propped stories, documentaries and plays are also amazing mediums, if introduced gradually. <br />
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What is the significance of storytelling, anyways? I am not trying to say we need to turn everyone into excellent storytellers but what I want to underline here are the amazing qualities it brings out. Observation, perception, imagination are given qualities but there is much more to it than meets the eye. Every story has labyrinths of smaller stories hidden within and what you read depends on the eyes that you have grown over the years of reading stories. Eventually, the way you perceive the story increases manifolds. You are able to put yourself in every character's place and understand their part and can derive from the cumulative impact of various similar characters in different stories and different situations. These qualities trickle down into our life making us more sensitive towards others. This, I think is essential for growth. <br />
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To sum up, storytellers are not always charmers or brainy or presentable but they are always and always good humans.<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191030_183650_964.sdoc--></div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-40757599929612203772019-10-19T20:07:00.000-07:002019-10-19T20:07:27.604-07:00LEARNING LANGUAGES <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Learning was the most lucrative part of motherhood. I had a deal with my husband before planning a child, that he handles the medicine department and I handle the education department. I was and am, plain curious about how learning happens and concerned about how it should happen. And the first step to any learning is language.<br />
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So to start it early, I had borrowed some small and big words' flash cards from a friend who had attended a seminar where they told that introducing children with these, when they are as young as two months, makes them better learners. I don't exactly remember the way she had put it across to me, but I had completely bought it. Being a highly enthusiastic self proclaimed educator, I followed the advice but within a few days I found it unrewarding and eventually pointless. My two month old was more into wetting bed and lifting his head than learning the spellings, like obviously. Later, when A started babbling I thought, words written randomly in big letters is ideally not the way learning should start neither by focusing on going the A, B, C way. I shouldn't bother about how many words or letters of the alphabets he can remember before his second or third birthday and focus on talking to him like I am talking to someone who knows and understands free flowing sentences. <br />
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What followed was interesting. A did not speak a word till he was two. All he knew was the most essential word "mamma" and sign language to convey himself across. And as you know how the competitive world can influence you, I was aghast by other kids younger than him use quite a lot of words and ended up with people suggesting me speech therapists and more talking than I was doing. I reasoned that he is just plain lazy and comfortable with sign language but secretly I assumed that there was a fundamental difference in the way we progressed than did the others and so things are going to move differently for us.<br />
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Although, in the background this guy was putting together in his mind not only words but correct grammar and expressions to form sentences and within a week of commencing to talk (that was after turning two), he was making whole big 4-5 word sentences with correct grammar. We all were taken by surprise and amazed by what a human mind is capable of. I wonder how mind unpuzzles the complex concept of speech without making notes or asking for revisions. <br />
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When a child is exposed to more than one language the delay in speech is obvious and nothing to worry about. But, exposing A to many languages was a task, because for me, family means marathi, friends means hindi and acquaintances means English. I had that sorted and compartmentalized in my brain rigidly. So, we had to figure out some other way. When I was growing up, knowing languages was hardly a concern to my parents and I learned my languages from the surrounding in a very organic way. So, then why should I bother putting A for language and phonetic classes. I did try to force myself to talk to him every day for an hour in hindi and an hour in English, like we were forced in school. Honestly, it never worked then and did not even this time around. I remember, I tried to learn Tamil from a book that promised me just four weeks to a fluent Tamil. I was bored sooner than I thought. But given that the first five years learning happens faster than ever, we had to try it but in a healthy and effective manner. I mean, not through television or videos on phone or just plain words books but something that imparts foundational lessons.<br />
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And so, we brought the languages in, in the form of books (as that was also something I wished to bring in sooner than later). Story books in English and poetry in Hindi, is what we tried. Until A got quite fluent with the mother tongue, he never sat still for other languages but once he was settled with Marathi, he had no problem with other languages! He could sit longer periods for the story books. We built our capacity from one liners to lengthy paragraph books. Eventually, he started asking me about equivalent words for his Marathi words in other languages. I took it as a cue to start short conversations in different languages but he didn't seem much interested, nor is he now (His way is "all at once" or "nothing at all" way, I assume). But I got taken aback when one day suddenly he understood my conversations with other people, in not just Hindi and English but also Gujarati. Boom.....<br />
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Human mind.....!!!<br />
Talking about language, I got speechless...!!<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191019_221425_318.sdoc--></div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-80376656469081575012019-10-12T23:10:00.002-07:002019-10-12T23:10:53.640-07:00BUILDING THE SUBCONSCIOUS <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I have brutally denied people from gifting my son chocolates, even if it has broken their heart and made them curse me under their lips. I choose my son's health over pleasing people. Shamelessly guilty, that I am. Agreed.<br />
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But yesterday a friend of mine asked me "what in the world are you going to achieve by not allowing him chocolates, biscuits and stuff, once he is off to school making friends and attending birthdays, he will eat them anyways? Don't try to control him so much." And I instantaneously replied "I know I sound like a control freak and when he has friends, he will get influenced but I am trying to be his subconscious mind." Later that day I was seriously in the awe of my own statement and even tried to think whether I made any sense or just wanted to shoot an impressive sentence and win the argument. For a few days I tried to figure out how subconscious mind worked and even googled if it can be manipulated.<br />
I believe, that if we put something to practice everyday for a month, then it develops into a habit and when you ardently follow your habit then it trains your subconscious. And you know you feeded something to the subconscious when you naturally turn towards it rather than forcing yourself in that direction.<br />
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When A gets hungry, his mind projects to him the foods that he knows and has liked so far. He comes running to me asking for Poha, upma, chapati, jaggery, dahi or finds his dabba of Almonds and cashew nuts and goes munching around (this dabba of dryfruits, jaggery, roasted peanuts and dates is an inevitable part of our short and long trips also). We just put him, actually all of us for his sake, to practice good habits and he himself made them his second nature. And I am hopeful of many more practices that I find valuable and necessary and sow in his mind this time around, will flourish into a habit some day. So, I believe we do mold their subconscious either knowingly or unknowingly. What you want ingrained in your child should be your priority rather than assuming what is in trend will eventually influence them and let loose. At twos and threes they are more porous than any other ages and we should definitely make use of it in the right way.<br />
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ANYHOW... <br />
This was the theory part of what I considered my achievement as a mother but I saw the practical example shortly after writing this article and so delayed sharing it to experiment every part of the theory. <br />
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A got serious stomach infection the next week I wrote my "theory". Leave alone my subconscious mind, even my common sense shuts down when he is unwell. I did all the things that I had sweared not to do ever after becoming a parent. From offering him the " no no noways food" to letting him sleep before the TV, I did everything that I consider bad. I just wanted to feed something to his frail body and make him sleep without burning his already meager calories. Though I feared he will demand all this even when he is in good health and will throw my two year long habit building efforts out of the window. But, after fasting for two long days as his appetite resumed, his habits did too.<br />
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I did not publish it yet and a few months later A caught viral infection. And this time around instead of pestering him to eat foods that I thought would help him and getting him medicated from the very first day of infection, I trusted his body and his senses and let him take the lead. He knew he was weak and needed to rest most of the day and asked for food that he felt would comfort him like warm milk, varan bhaat and pistachio all as substitutes for the main meals of the day and in very little quantities. I let him trust his body while I trusted him and things went well.<br />
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These incidents taught me much need lessons <br />
1. The subconscious mind can be trained.<br />
2. Like animals who have full knowledge of what went wrong in their systems and how can they cure it, we humans have it too in us and that too from a very young age. We have just eventually learned to not listen to our instincts and our bodies. And this draws my third learning. <br />
3. I have to trust A's decisions and choices in times of sickness and otherwise, given the fact that I took care of the first learning very much successfully. <br />
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-57157261609837984122019-10-05T21:59:00.001-07:002019-10-05T21:59:37.643-07:00THE TRYING THREEs<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Today after a long break I pulled myself to the desk to write a blog post. I kept fiddling with my pen and mulling over correct words, phrases and storyline to describe what was going on with my life but I couldn't. "Where the hell my creativity is lost? Why am I not able to describe metanoia that I am going through?" Then my son walked in declaring that he won't brush his teeth today. I rolled my eyes thinking that "chal yaar, big deal, I can spare him one day with unbrushed teeth and myself of all the drama that follows." But then suddenly the sincere mom in me yelled "you idiot, sparing him for a day will tell him that it's ok to skip brushing teeth sometimes and bathing and not being punctual and blah and blah. You are messing with his foundational habits." I rolled my eyes again and went to him with yet another story of what happens if we don't brush teeth and how fresh it feels after brushing and so on.<br />
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Him. He, on the other hand was just testing the water. He saw his mommy occupied with something really serious and meaningful to her and he wanted to check that will she put all aside and go for the rules or may be he was trying to find a hole in the loop which he can use in future for bigger things. Yes, I know you must be thinking how can I be so sure that this were his thoughts at that moment. BECAUSE after breaking my head over it, he easily gave in. No further retaliation...!! Just an eerie smile.<br />
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So I concluded that this is where all my creative juices these days are going. Persuasions, arguements, counterarguments and reasonings. And if, by chance any ounce of creativity is still breathing somewhere in my mind then that is shadowed by this overwhelming human I am raising.<br />
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If a one year and two year old is defiant then a three year old is also defiant but with a smirk on his face. <!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191006_095410_491.sdoc--></div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-4967177741907652712019-03-13T11:09:00.000-07:002019-03-13T11:09:30.888-07:00TERRIFIC TWOS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Whoever said twos are terrible are seriously terrible people. They are boring, uncreative and pessimists. B E C A U S E... Two is the most hilariously fun age. Tiring to the bone but gosh... It's hell of a fun.</div>
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So, what's happening at two that amps up the fun quotient, you may ask? Many things but mostly, speech. That little bundle of joy that grew a pair of legs on his last birthday, will grow his tongue on this one and better it in the coming days. Like a speaking parrot, they will try to repeat every, mind you, every, ABSOLUTELY every word you utter. Of course they won't understand every single one of it or know in which sequence to put them to make a sensible sentence and that, that my friends is entertainment. Embarrassment, if they pick up what they shouldn't and humiliating, if they understand that those nasty words catch more audience and use them repeatedly at increasing decibels. I confess, I now understood why censorship came to existence in Media . Definitely for these two year old folks. <br /><i>
Since the tensions between India and <span style="color: #666666;">Pakistan grew, we started watching television for the news. Hearing similar words for more than half a month, he one day pointed towards the TV and said to put on patitan (Pakistan). You know how heart breaking it can be for any Indian mother to know her son uttered Pakistan before Hindustan or India and when you swear to be a league apart patriotic, it seems severely embarrassing. I spent the next few hours of the day forcibly teaching him, Bharat Mata ki Jai and Vande Mataram (when I was completely against force learning) and needless to say, we watched news strictly during his nap hours. We started greeting each other in a patriotic way to make it his second nature. Relieved only after being sure he got capable enough to say Bharat Mata ki Jai in his sleep too.😂 Trust me, it sounds equally absurd and hilarious to me as it does to you. But I thought it to be the need of the hour. 🤓</span></i><br />
Secondly, though they might not understand patriotism but they definitely are capable of exercising their brains to figure out everyday concepts. That also not always in the correct order but then that puts up a great comic show every time. <br /><i><span style="color: #666666;">
Like in the game of hide and seek, the rule is to hide completely and not just close your eyes in the middle of a cricket ground and assume you are invisible. Or like when you need to poop, it's not just your bum but your whole self that has to go to the potty seat. Amusing half learnt concepts!</span></i><br />
EMOTIONS...! This is also the big milestone these tiny tots are trying to figure out. Constantly surged by big messy cocktail of emotions which they are not yet old enough to label or handle but capable of precisely and extensively expressing them. <br /><i><span style="color: #666666;">
How are you going to tell a tiger that you need to anesthetize him to check his wound? It's the same if you try to tell a two year old that he might fall if he wears his t-shirt as his pants. He might get offended instead of being obliged for the help. And if you ask him to put all the peels of fruits lying around in a trash can, one at a time, he will be obliged instead of offensed of being worked around.</span></i><br />
So, relax. No one goes to college without pants or sucks his thumb on his wedding day. They'll learn all the necessary concepts eventually. Of course, if you get anxious about their half learnt ideas and try to correct them, show them the right direction, basically help them then you will probably be wearied by this age but if you just let them be and enjoy the madness, even capture it, you will not just love this age but will also have ton of stories to tell them about their childhood <u>or</u> even use them to blackmail them. 😜😈</div>
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-77756498890906390712019-02-11T20:08:00.002-08:002019-02-11T20:08:15.648-08:00DOES CURIOSITY REALLY KILLS THE CAT? <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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What happens when you enter a pitch dark room that you have never went in before? You take every step vigilantly and the rest of your senses become more sensitive. Right! Now think if you enter that room with someone behind you to prompt you the details of the room. You would walk (act) confident and still bang your feet on furniture already intimidated about. Isn't it?<br />
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I think this is how we are raising our children. We are prompting them the details of life from behind, thinking that this might help them maneuver through smoothly. We just forget that the steps we trod would measure differently than what they will take, even if we tell them the exact numbers and direction.<br />
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Still pretty clueless of what I am talking about!<br />
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At the age of two, my son cannot tell name any color, nor can he say A for apple and B for ball. But day before yesterday when I asked him to try eating his rice with a smaller spoon, he asked me whether the spoon he was eating with was too big? Boom. He knew small and big are opposites. I did not teach him that. He does not even know what opposite means but he understood the concept. How? When we joined the mother-toddler class with the aim to get him to befriend same aged kids, I saw mothers teaching their children names of colors and alphabets, like literally explaining them everything present around. For a few days I thought I lagged behind as I was teaching A absolutely nothing. But then one day while playing with his bag full of cars, he sorted them in a row, headlights facing towards him. He can make out front and rear side of cars!! Even race cars!! (heck! He knows aerodynamics 😂) and categorized them material wise, all plastic ones together, metal ones together and he even distinguished hotwheels from the fake ones which looked exactly same to me. My jaw literally dropped watching that. His tiny brain functions at a mighty pace.<br />
I wondered, if I would have been a little more responsible and "imparting knowledge" kind of mother, I might have ruined his brains ability.<br />
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A human mind functions tremendously when it's not overloaded with facts. Observation, curiosity and experimentation are the most important ingredients to ignite a human brain. And we as parents try to kill each one of these very attributes we so want our children to grow up with, by trying to make them catch up with their peers.<br />
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<b>Observations</b> - when you don't tell them this is pink and that is blue, they might call pink as blue and blue as pink, initially but they will without knowing put all pinks together and all blues together. And eventually would observe what words people around use to describe the objects and use them. But when you fill them in with facts even before they can differentiate between the things ( in this case, colors), the next time they come across those things, either they won't bring out what they have to share about the things or would just repeat what you taught them so that they can make you feel proud (seriously but it's their primary objective at this age) .<br />
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<b>Curiosity</b> - kids would not know that they should turn around and squat to sit on a chair, that the teeth of a comb and not the back are to be put in the hair for detangling or the correct grammar to make sentences but they give it a shot anyways. They don't even bother if they are laughed at, mostly they even take it proudly. But we as parents cannot see our kids make fool of themselves and teach them everything and instruct them a hundred times before letting them have a go at it themselves. We are kill their curiosity about new things. And before we know it, they start turning for help for absolutely everything they come across. And we love this dependency for a few years and hate it there after. But who is to blame?<br />
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<b>Experimentation</b> - killing the first two attributes is just enough for them to end this one themselves. And then we keep wondering why didn't our child turn out creative or may be it was never in our blood to be different. Bullshit.<br />
In our race to mold our kids best, we kill their ability to mold themselves.<br />
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According to Patanjali in yogasutra 1.7, there are three ways for the acquisition of knowledge. First way is called <i>Agama</i> in which the knowledge or information is received from someone or somewhere you trust, your parents, your teachers or your school. Second way is called <i>Anumana</i> in which the knowledge comes from your logical self. And the third and most profound way is called <i>Pratyaksha</i>, in which the knowledge is acquired by personal experience.<br />
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But in our own quest of experimenting, we cannot keep our hands off our kids. I am not saying that we should produce them and leave them to their fate, just like that. But we need to sit back, take time and reflect on our ways of perceiving the growth. It's not like if they can't say A B C by the age of two or finish their degree by the age of twenty, they will end up on streets. Or if they don't dress a particular way or talk a specific language, they will be looked down upon by their peers. Every human being is born with survival instincts and ability to adapt to the surrounding, that should not be the cause of our worries. But what we should be taking care of is the nourishment of these bubbling personalities.<br />
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We should work on finding ways to help them believe in themselves, appreciate their bodies, their abilities, acknowledge their shortcomings, their weaknesses and develop enough strength to face them and work on them. After a lot of time invested in understanding and learning something new, everyone turns out for assistance. We should wait out until that point and make sure to help them when they seek us out. We are here to assist them through their way and not to carve out a way for them.<br />
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And by the way, a little healthy amount of curiosity keeps the cat alive. 😜</div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-60271163442627694622019-02-01T23:27:00.001-08:002019-02-02T04:13:37.599-08:00HYGIENE AND IMMUNITY <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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This topic has taken me for many guilt trips than any other topic ever. I have never liked hand sanitizers and so, had never put them between my infant and the relatives. He had caught an eye infection in the very first week of his life but that did not change me.</div>
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I was either lazy or tired and did not wash his toys daily. Sometimes he put Limo's (dog) toys in his mouth and many times the dusty ones. I tried hard putting up with cleaning but with me it's all in vain. <br />
I have let him explore dirt (sometimes taste), tar roads and mossy walls happily, have washed him later though (not completely filthy mom 🙄). I have let him pick something that he had dropped on floor and eat and rejoiced when he'd dirty his pants in the garden or play areas allowing him to roll over in sand and mud, rub it all over his body and throw it over me. And never stopped him from showing affection towards any animal, be it street dog, cats, cows or the ants and moths in the garden. He's put his hands into the muddy lotus pond many a times to catch the fishes and I would be thrilled to see if he succeeded but never worried. And needless to say, I have let him try food at various joints in places we have been to and drink filtered local water too. </div>
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I had guilt in the back of my mind as people would stare me down with glares of disgust but I used to justify myself saying I am building his immunity. Anyways our forefathers have also been this way. When did they have sanitizers, wet tissues and sterilizers? And they turned out healthier than we have. Still looking at adulteration in water, food and nature around these days, I did worry about my take on hygiene.</div>
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To my surprise I was not completely wrong! Recently, I read Rujuta Diwekar's book - 'Notes for healthy kids' and I am so relieved that the things I did as a lazy and dirt loving mom are actually approved by the nutritionist I follow wholeheartedly. Here's an excerpt from her book under the title 'hygiene hypothesis' -<br />
'<i>if we must build strong, resilient kids, then we must let them be African in habits. We must allow our little kids to be picked up by aunts, uncles, neighbours; we must let them pick up the piece of fruit that fell on the floor and eat it; we must encourage them to go into muddy parks and roll around. So basically let the desi kids be desi.'</i></div>
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The book also covers solutions to nutritional dilemma we carry about children's health and their food preferences and justifies their need to jump, play and speed around. She is trying to reconnect us with our culture and in the process relieves so much worry that we parents carry about children not eating, not being focused and responsible, etc etc. It's a book that should be read by every parent, grandparent and even older children who can read and understand. </div>
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We need to undo the effects of globalization and step back towards tradition to bring health back into the future. </div>
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Life is equally about unlearning as much it is about learning. </div>
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-66636047109932534842019-01-19T07:55:00.001-08:002019-01-19T07:55:17.378-08:00BIRTHDAYS... <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Call me old fashioned, control freak, ridiculous or whatever the hell you want but I hate birthday parties and specially kids' birthday parties. I was skeptical about having kids with one of the reasons being the need to attend birthday parties and when last week I went to see play schools for A, I asked them what kind of B-day celebrations do they allow in their school. No kidding, that's my criteria for school selection. </div>
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Before baby, my aversion to such parties was because I found them boring but after A, the aversion increased many folds drawing my attention to many different reasons.</div>
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<li>Reason to party; we host these parties for the joy of our little ones (actually really little ones, I am talking about) who seem to cry more that day than they did the day they were born! And if we are doing it to celebrate our parenthood, still those little ones are at lose. The crackers, overengaging crowd, screaming children, all that is quite unpleasant for them. </li>
<li>The cake; with the fondant, bright and unnatural colors and edible stickers..!! Why is that even legal!!</li>
<li>The gifts; of course those are to be passed on to someone celebrating their birthdays in the coming months. And the return gifts as chocolates, chips and plastic toys..!! Can't these formalities be skipped for the sake of children's health and parent's sanity..!! </li>
<li>The menu; it is well thought of and "kid friendly" as they put it. Mostly white sauce pasta, sandwiches and fries. Seriously, is that kid friendly..!!?? </li>
<li>The games (which now a days is "entertainment" with anchors, who sometimes forget to filter their speeches considering the number of kids present) ; but mostly the balloons used for decorations are the star of such parties. All the kids, tiniest to tallest can be found playing with them. </li>
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Do we really need such celebrations!? <br />
"Oh shut up you nazist, kids love them and it's for them" people argue. No, kids love them because we introduced just that one way of celebration. I bet if given a chance to play in the dirt, roll all day with puppies or climb, jump, discover wonders nature has to offer ; none of the kids would opt for "party". It's not their concept of celebration anyways, it's their inheritance. <br />
I am not saying that amendments should be passed in the constitution to ban the birthday parties. I am not a Hitler. All I want to say is that, if we cannot avoid having them (Indian family/social scenario), let's make them a little indigenous, sensible and sensitive rather than a business of show and pomp about who brought a better theme to the floor. Shall we? <br />
Make cakes out of seasonal halwas or bake healthier earthen cakes at home involving the birthday girl/boy, milkshakes or serbets instead of coke floats and frootis, ladoos in place of cupcakes, pulao in place of pasta and open ground venues instead of marbled halls. <br />
Had read somewhere that the number of children you invite for your child's birthday should be equal to their age. Such a brilliant thought! At two, A does not really like being with same aged kids but loves dancing and jumping around with his elder cousins. And the most active time of the day for him is the evening, so I made up plans to call over his cousins for an hour in the evening, put on the music and let him decide the rest. And as he grows to an age where he can marvel different experiences and remember them, we would change the way we celebrate his growth by offering him bountiful of experiences. <br />
If we consider every moment as an opportunity to teach our child valuable lessons then this one is a big one to teach them modesty, genuinity and what and how to celebrate. <br />
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-3670336665776940662019-01-10T20:08:00.001-08:002019-01-10T20:08:33.503-08:00FILLING IN THE BIG BOOTS <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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A loves his grandfathers more than the grandmothers. So, yesterday I was thinking why is he being gender biased even when he does not know what gender means! The reason is evident.<br />
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The GFs are more hands on guardians; ready to brush his teeth, wash his butt (remember, kids think that it is a privilege they offer only to their favorites), become whatsoever animal he wants them to become. The GMs don't really get into these activities with him. So naturally he favors GF over GM.<br />
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No no no, don't run away. This is not another post on grandparenting. I want to analyze why this happens and what should we remember for this to not continue with the future generation. So, I find that the GMs were hands on mothers of their time, giving their most for the children and to the children whereas the GFs hardly knew which grade their children were in. So what does that imply!?<br />
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The fathers! Yes this one is about them. Those who think that just by having a small human running around in the house fulfills their role, those who think they are not wired or designed to handle a fragile little being, those who think that earning for their future is more important than spending time playing with them or those who think a collective time over a weekend can suffice for everyday lost time. Guys, you are going to be great GFs undoubtedly because till the time you realize that you are missing time with your children, it will be your time to have grandchildren. And so you may put in extra love in nurturing them.<br />
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Of course I am not saying, fathers don't love their children. And before you try to justify yourself or try to tell me the other side of the story, let me tell you there are exceptions. Exceptions like my best buddy, who quit his job to be a full time dad (of course there must have been personal reasons and discussions over the decision but I want to focus on his willingness) and I have told him to get is gene pool investigated to crack his biological code. Ha ha kidding. It's not coding anyways, it's the conditioning.<br />
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So ladies (mothers), it's too late nagging your spouses to change. They need to realize it themselves. That case is not in your hands but what is in your hands is the conditioning of your boys.<br />
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<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Encourage them for doll play. Don't force them though but if they have a stuffed toy that they like, ask them to feed it, tuck it in bed for sleep and take it out on their tricycles. </li>
<li>Have a pet and ask them to groom him, take him for walks and feed him. </li>
<li>Ask them to look after their younger kin and help them whenever they need. </li>
<li>Include them in household chores, especially cooking (it's a basic survival need that everyone irrespective of gender should learn). </li>
<li>When they reach a reasoning and understanding age, ask them to respect girls around them. Best way is to find them a role model, preferably the father (hopefully they decide to change by then) to show them their share of responsibility in the household chores, discussing and sharing of important decisions and all other chivalrous activities. </li>
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So before they step in to the big boots, we need to fill in the gaps. Enough raising our girls to be equals. We need a change in the mindset.<br />
Raise your boys to be equals.<br />
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-78531325756264240062019-01-05T21:50:00.000-08:002019-01-05T21:50:44.287-08:00THE AGONY OF BEING THE FIRST CHILD <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I had jumped with Joy when mom told me that I was going to get a little sister. Little did I know that the love and attention that I got till now was going to be divided. A hundred times I would have told my sister that we picked her up from dustbin and she did not belong to the family. 😈<br />
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I could express my resentment when my sister got more love than me. And so the parents made up for it, in some way or the other. But now that I am a parent with the first child of different species, I am experiencing the whole past again.<br />
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In the beginning of the parenting journey we had inkling of an idea that jealousy was ought to seep in and so we were ready with a plan. We decided that as the baby would need me more initially, the dad would prioritize the dog. The plan worked. The father - son duo came so close in that period that they even developed a secret sign language. I was relieved that my elder one was big enough, not to need me.<br />
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Initially, Limo understood that A needed more attention and care and he allowed me to care for A before him. But now as A is in his terrible twos with demands soaring sky, I notice changes in my fur child too. He demands too! And he won't settle for later.<br />
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He wants me to make his meals and won't sleep in grandparents room. We will sometimes even bury himself awkwardly in the tiny space between me and A, to snuggle up with me. He never loved long drives that much but now when A is ready with the car keys, Limo is already near the car ready to pounce in. When I play hide and seek with A, Limo will nudge me to play the same with him too. At the very same time! When I whip up a treat for A, Limo will want the same even if he had never bothered to sniff the same treat in the past.<br />
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He wants an equal share of me. He puts it loud and clear. Children young or old, two-legged or four-legged, they need their mothers. So now as we are tending to a toddler in his terrible two, we are also dealing with a demanding daschie.<br />
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P. S. That makes our park visits lot more fun.<br />
For others, I mean. </div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-82079497118059073622018-12-27T21:42:00.000-08:002018-12-27T21:42:18.402-08:00THE GRAND BUDDIES <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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There is this one question I have pondered on even before I thought I want a child and that is "why are firangi kids so well behaved!??"<br />
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Yesterday when A lost his sanity and was rolling on the floor for his demands which I denied to fulfill, he started calling out his grandparents. One of them came, scolded me for letting him cry and presented him with his demands. </div>
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I got my answer - Firangi kids are well behaved because they have just two guardians (their parents), who usually are on the same page of parenting. The child gets no holes in the loop to get his way done, eventually he follows what his parents do. Unlike this, WE HAVE THE GRANDPARENTS, who follow a completely different book on parenting. Oh no, if you think grand parents are only bad news, then no. The reason we Indians are good when it comes to juggad (getting our way out in any situation) , it's because we learn the art at home. We figure out that as we are bullied by the parents, there is someone in the house who can bully them and we become smart enough to use this fact for our good. Perfect juggad education! 😂😂</div>
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But seriously, why don't we as parents like the grandparents interfering in our job. We have loved them as parents, they conditioned our basic self but as life happened, we got new lessons that were not scrutinized by them. Our views over living, health, outdoors, entertainment, academics, career planning, relationships changed at every turn of the decade. And to face the ever-changing world, we want our children to take from our learnings and move ahead of us and not take from our parents and land up where we landed. </div>
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Having said that, there is no doubt that the grandparents love our kids more than we do. They know that because of the survival duties they missed some precious childhood moments of their children and now that they are free of all the duties they want to compensate by witnessing the childhood of their grandchildren. </div>
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Now this can be a real boon and take our children farther than those firangi kids, IF..... If the parents and grandparents stick to their respective roles and don't try to switch. If sorted those in pointers, </div>
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<li>the parents should make the rules and define the limits whereas the grand buddies should look to it that the kids abide by them even when parents are not around. No one is back stabbed and the kid never learns about the plan B option. </li>
<li>sometimes any one of the guardians may get annoyed by the kid's bad behavior and scold him. That time, none of the other elders should jump in to sympathize with the kid. Let them know that the person scolding, has a voice in the house. </li>
<li>if there are any issues between the guardians, they should sort them when child is not around. You know how absorbing they are and you don't want them to build their opinions about anyone based on your perceptions. </li>
<li>sometimes the grandparents try to remain nice to the child by presenting them with things that parents have forbidden or tell the child that they can't give them what they want because the parents have told so. What is the child actually perceiving? That the parents are the villains of their lives!! Don't tag someone's name along the rules. They have to live with each other even after you take off for after life journey. Don't make it harder for both the parties. </li>
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If the parents have aspired to be parents, they are not just willing but eager to do all that it takes to be that. Let them do it their way, even if they make mistakes, they will learn and improve. And if they just accidentally became parents or are in no intentions of caring for their children (rare but a possibility) then pull up the sleeves and get into the job.<br />
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But mostly, be what the parents and the kids want you to be - a set of grown up kids. 😄</div>
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-74146084188667382632018-12-16T01:57:00.000-08:002018-12-16T03:25:35.998-08:00INDEFINITE SABBATICAL <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Children are self-centered. They don't remember the hardships you have to go through each day, what they do remember is how well you played with them, how they loved when you cooked meals for them and how warm and safe they feel sleeping tucked in your arms.<br />
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The most eye sparkling memory of my childhood is the day I ate my first hot phulka for lunch in my entire life. I was in tenth grade when my mom quit her job and that day she cooked lunch while we were returning from school. Till that day, if I told you how we (me and my sister) ate lunch, you would definitely judge our family values. </div>
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After school we used to go home hungry. Mom cooked lunch before leaving for work and kept in on the kitchen counter, sabzi in the kadhai and chapati in the casserole. As soon as we reached home, we used to take off the shoes, let them be where we removed them, washed hands (not always 🙊) and carried the kadhai and casserole to the living room, switched on the TV and ate it just as is, without plates and bowls. Then slid the vessels under the couch and slept over it in our uniforms till mom came home. </div>
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Mom was always disheartened watching us this way. But she couldn't help it. She was working. She was not working to compete with our dad or to prove her intelligence. She was working to help dad bear the financial burden. She told me how her heart ached when she had to leave us with our grandmother from the young age of 3 months, how she felt incapable and helpless when she got home to see us learn things that she would have never introduced us to. She felt sorry for us when she couldn't sign us up for swimming and dancing lessons because she didn't have enough time to drop or pick us up. That's her story. There are many more. </div>
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When Narayan and Sudha Murthy came up with Infosys, they mutually decided that one of them had to step back and take care of the children. Sudha Murthy left Infosys for their children. There are many working mothers I know who exceeded their time of furlough for raising their kids. When in an interview Sadhguru was asked about how he felt about women with young children, stepping out and working, he said "the very presence of the mother in the crucial years of life, changes their whole being", "she must work if it's an absolute necessity but should never let survival come in the way of the real aesthetics of life". I don't really need to quote mystics and powerful women to prove what a mother's presence means in the early years of a child's life. It's not just the breastmilk that nourishes the baby, it's the warmth of mother's body, her caress, her smile which the pump and the bottle cannot give. The strength she gives after every fall, the satisfaction she gets after every morsel we eat, which will be just a chore or a job for someone else. And what children mean to their mothers is unquestionable. Then why some women instead of being devoid of any obligations choose desk jobs over their children!? </div>
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I don't blame those mothers. It is their surroundings to be blamed, where staying at home after baby is marked as an end of their life, their identity. So they, in obligation to prove their worth, jump into the rat race crushing their heart's desire of being with their offspring. And then try to prove themselves that they made the right decision by trying to squeeze in "quality time" with the kids. It's not possible to give your 100% to the children when 50% of your juices are drained into the office and trying to hit homeruns on both fronts might leave you drained and dull which will affect the child again.These mothers, deep down, they know that no pay cheque compares to being around the child. And the guilt trip that the stay at home mothers take is just the other side of the same coin. </div>
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Why did we do this to the mothers, to the women? Women are biologically and mentally equipped to raise the children, then why do we wire them to think it's the most worthless thing to do? Why? Strong mothers raise strong humans, intelligent mothers raise intelligent humans. Intelligent mothers delegating this job to people around, don't. A professional turned into homemaker is not a waste of talent, it is a boon to the children and the community as a whole because they can inculcate values that their highly paid nannies cannot. </div>
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If you see Motherhood as the most superior way of serving the community then not having a paid job for a few years to raise your children, no more remains a responsibility or punishment, it becomes a privilege. And the more the mothers understand this, the closer we can get to achieving a better next generation. </div>
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-6136008603791733712018-12-07T09:55:00.000-08:002018-12-07T09:55:39.303-08:00THE WITCHCRAFT <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>Witchcraft : the use of magic, especially black magic to get things done your way. </i><br />
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I feel the term is too apt when you find twisted cunning ways to get your strong willed child to do what you want him to do. One of my favorite dialog of some movie goes like 'let them be the head, you be the neck that can turn the head any which way it wants' . <br />
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But who out of us, we or our toddlers, are obnoxious is difficult to decide. If sadistic pleasure was a product, these little monsters would definitely be it's brand ambassadors. If asked 'What is your favorite hobby?' I bet each one of them will say, "to see mommy scream, turn red, go down on all fours and beg to me". So when we turn to sorcery, it's actually to break their devastating spells on our sanity. Boom... Act justified!! <br />
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Now we can move on to sorcery, guilt free. So, to start with, you first need a few outbursts to understand what triggers their tiny bodies and racing minds to revolt. <br />
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<b> Try to avoid the trigger point completely.</b><br />
Example, A loves going out in car or just plain sitting in the car in the parking lot. So we take the back door to go for walks. No car seen, no scene created.<br />
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<b> If you can't avoid the trigger point, give in but don't make it a big deal. </b><br />
Example, A wants to eat peanuts or dry fruits while having meals and has suddenly developed aversion for vegetables. So I put everything on the plate including the nuts, act as if I don't care what he eats and carry on with my meal. He doesn't understand why there is no reaction and then coyly goes on to eating roti with Dal or sabzi and at least trying everything that is served.<br />
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<b> Instead of him reaching the trigger, you reach out first.</b><br />
Example, A does not want to stall his play for bath or nap or bedtime. So when I need to take him for those activities, I purposefully tell him not to come, not to follow me and I go ahead. He gets puzzled, "how on earth she is telling me not to bathe or nap! " aaaand he follows my suit within minutes. <br />
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<b>Give the trigger in the sibling's hand (in our case, paw).</b><br />
Example, A loves milk but just for fun, he will give me tough time with it. So, now I tell Limo that 'I know how much you love milk and today I'll serve you in your favorite mug. Boom..!! Before limo even understands that I used him as a bait (my poor baby), the glass is empty or at least half empty. <br />
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<b> Not always you can avoid the explosion </b><br />
So when the damage is done, don't attempt to fix it or try to temper with its mechanism. You will end up multiplying the effect. Simply shut down your senses, drop your self-image consciousness (if you're in public) and turn cold turkey. Engage yourself in something, put on some music or make yourself some adrak Chai. He is likely to drop his weapons and join you. When he does that and looks lightened up, squeeze him into your arms, kiss him and make up. <br />
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Note : my husband sometimes proofreads my posts and he had a little comment on this and I thought of adding it 😜. He says, "you call this your witchcraft then why don't you share the witch that you become when things don't go your way!?" <br />
Don't worry, I won't. 😋 it's not possible to do that in fewer words but I confess that I become furious when A wants something I don't approve and if given a witch's fire pot, I would burn each and every person who is giving him that stuff or smiles with joy to see him with that stuff. That's my instant reaction until I come up with some plan to play around with his choices. <br />
"Dear husband, live with it." that's all I can say. 😝🤣</div>
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-16785680478619001122018-11-29T10:31:00.002-08:002018-11-29T10:42:02.890-08:00INDEPENDENCE <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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No fight fought for independence in the history can be as big as the fight toddlers give. This is not diplomatic or territorial, this is hormonal. This is not the fight on which the future of a country depends, it's the fight on which the whole human existence depends. OK, I am not exaggerating. If you see the repercussions of defeat in this battle, which is quite figuratively seen around us more often these days, you'll know what I mean. </div>
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You see, the whole humanity thrives on the words, 'why' and 'how'. And of course 'why not'. And it all begins at this age. I know I have stressed on how troublesome toddlerhood is in my past blog posts but never mentioned how developmentally (and for humanity) it is important.</div>
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Saying that may make you a little milder towards your child but not completely scream free. And the reason is their ability to reason. The part of their brain that can reason, does not develop completely until they are five. So trying to explain them your point is, pointless. And around the age of two, the 'how', 'why' and 'why not' words are also not in picture. I mean, they exist but not as words but as actions and that makes you take a longer while to understand them. </div>
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Example, A brought his shoes out and asked me to assist him wear those. Without a thought I took the right one and started putting it on his right foot, at which point he withdrew and put forward his left foot. I sensed it as a mischief and calmly picked up the left one and went ahead to wear it over his left foot. This time he retaliated again. He wanted to wear left shoe on right and vice a versa. Of course, as an extra smart mother, I tried to explain him. 🙄😌😂 Undoubtedly, a failed attempt! Then, I did as he asked me to. Thoroughly satisfied, he stood up and started walking away. Within seconds, he turned back and gave me a look. He got the answer for his unspoken 'why not'. And then on, he takes my approval on his shoe business.</div>
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They want to see, hear and feel everything by themselves and not just cramp their minds with your experiences. We would never stall some scientist in his laboratory while he is experimenting, would we? Then, just because these born scientists are experimenting something too obvious and something you have ingrained in your system, doesn't mean it's stupid or insignificant. The modern man is as astonished as the first cave man was when he discovered fire. </div>
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They have to feel the fire to know it can be dangerous, they need to feel the wind to learn how to respond to it the next time it blows in their faces. This sounds dangerous. But you need a brave heart to raise brave humans. There will be skinned knees, broken nails, small burns, wounds and pain. But that's how they learn, that's how they evolve.</div>
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And that's how you save the humanity. </div>
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Bingo..!! </div>
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Yes, I mentioned something really scary here. But of course I do save him from doing stuff that can mean serious harm to him or people around him. You know, there are ways to play around their wild streak for independence. But that deserves another post. So wait for it. </div>
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-26605838174057246712018-11-24T23:51:00.000-08:002018-11-24T23:53:18.700-08:00CONSPIRACY OVER THE FOOD BATTLE <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Eating is a forever battle between the kids and theit parents. Even if your child eats well, you worry whether it's enough or is it too much. Of course what you feed your babies is your decision, I am not here to advise you on that. This post is not about that. </div>
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Though A has been a pretty good eater but the lows and highs he has, make me skeptical about the whole nutrition thing. I have read and heard a hundred opinions, read many blogs and books and tried every trick to get in some extra nutrition in his body. 'It's not that difficult' , some may say. 'You can hide the sabzi in the roti and mix things up in his milk or just put on the TV so that he gets too busy to notice what is going into his tummy'. Firstly, I do not approve of this technique. If they do not know what's going in, probably when they start eating by themselves, they will grow up not liking it and avoid it completely. And secondly, A is too smart to know if there's something hidden within his chapati. Of course, I have tried hiding and force feeding, I wanted to try everything to get in some more veggies in his body. And through my journey, I learnt some really amusing and valuable lessons. </div>
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Here they go - </div>
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<span style="text-decoration: line-through;"> </span>WHEN TO BEGIN? - For many its "solids at six" but for us it was "ate at eight", our doctor was of the opinion that if the weight gain is proper we should let him thrive on ebf a little more. Though I was worried that he won't accept food if we start late but actually he was so much interested in food by then that our transition was a lot smoother. Even weaning off breastfeeding was easier. So the lesson learnt here, when you start with solids won't make your child a good or a picky eater.</div>
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SPICES AND SEASONINGS - Whatever the world says, I couldn't feed my baby anything that I wouldn't eat myself. So we seasoned his food from the very beginning. Not generously but enough to be borne by human taste buds. Also I flavored the food with different species, like cinnamon with apple, cardamom with halwa, vanilla with banana and worked our way to the complex mixes. There are benefits of being a curious and experimental mother. Just yesterday he brought out the whole spices box from the pantry and showed interest in trying them. I was like, why not, that's like my boy. He spit out most of them (strangely he liked fenugreek seeds) but he was curious and experimental..!!! That's a win!! </div>
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FACE VALUE AND MARKET VALUE - To be clear with the title, I am not talking about the food here. I am describing the feeder. The mother..!! It's well known that kids learn what they see. But you'll be surprised to see how quick that happens. They put a piece of food in their mouth and look at you and more than their taste buds, your face decides for them whether they should go for more or not. And market for them, till they hit the school, is the pantry of the house. If they see more of natural foods, they will prefer them more over a bag of chips even when you go grocery shopping with them (don't even ask, how proud that makes me feel when A chooses a pack of cut pineapple pieces over glossy attractive chocolate packs) .</div>
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GO WITH THE FLOW - We started with mashed and soupy foods. And just a month into it, A started rejecting it suddenly. He used to push away his bowl or try to jump out of his chair. Tired one day, I gave him what he was eyeing then, roti (advised by my cook. House helpers are the hard working moms who have neither time nor money to pamper their kids, hence the best advisors) and he happily sat trying to chew it without any teeth. He wanted to chew and not swallow. Eureka. I started making soft stuffed parathas. Things worked well until the next hitch when he wanted options to when he wanted his own plate to his own place on the dining table and we are waiting for the next now. They know their evolution stages well, it's we who underestimate their capabilities and ignore them and then eventually blame them for swallowing when they have mouth full of teeth. </div>
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INVOLVEMENT - We are working on this one currently. Not always A wants to eat what he has helped cooking but he anyways loves helping me cook or just watch me do it. I am also planning to start the vegetable garden again with his help so that he enjoys the dirt while some good habits make their way into his monkey mind without me trying to force them onto him.</div>
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P. S. I am not a perfect mom. I still try to hide veggies when I feel he has not had any for long, I keep Googling and trying new recipes to see if he likes it that way, I follow few superstitious beliefs like giving his last morsel to an animal or circling his head with rock salt or dried red chillies to ward off any bad influence he has, that don't let him eat. Tell me more of such weird ways and I will surely try them. That's how mother's function. Right!! </div>
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But the ground line is making strong foundation of good habits will shape their future in a healthy way. </div>
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-36313569845803829872018-11-04T17:54:00.000-08:002018-11-19T20:53:21.006-08:00THE Mother WHO LET'S HER KID FALL<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I often get those looks when my child falls and I don't run to pick him up. "such an insensitive mom", "careless mom". But I actually feel good because while these people, mostly women are cursing me, my son gets up, dusts himself and moves on to the same activity again that made him fall. He did not need me. It was something he can cope with himself.<br />
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"Tough mom. Ehh." Some would say. But I was not this. I cried my eyes out when he got his ears pierced (hindu scientific reasons), when he got vaccinated, when he fell for the first time. But I learnt my way, slowly. Remember the first article I wrote on Motherhood ( http://me-n-ideas.blogspot.com/2016/07/journey-to-motherhood.html ). They mold the way you want. If you make a big deal out of small things, they do that too. Falling is a part of learning and my son gets it at an early age. He now even does that skillfully. He never let's his head fall first. He is more careful, observant and vigilant.<br />
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So yeah, I am the mother that let's her kid fall.<br />
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-54408431005970967682018-10-29T09:45:00.000-07:002018-10-29T09:45:19.124-07:00MOTHERHOOD - LIFE IS A CIRCLE <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today while putting my son to bed, he held my hand and put it on his head and asked me to caress him. My brain's RAM system took me back to the time when I was little. When something bothered me badly, like some friend issue, some homework problems or less scores or just till recently when I had an official letter asking me for the penalty tax for a wrong return filed, the details of the problem went around in my head till I shared it with one of my parents. I used to ask them to sit by my bedside caressing my head. Their calm face and soothing touch used to tell me that it's not a big deal and I will heal or overcome it. I used to think how come they are so cool? How do they not get panicked by such a huge problem? What would it be if I were in their shoes?<br />
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And here I am, in their shoes. Really , life is a circle. I give the same calmness to my son! It is a big big BIG deal for me. I am a grown up! I am equipped to handle his problems! I can show him peace when he is freaking out!<br />
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There is so much learning when you have a guru in body of a tiny toddler.<br />
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-84356147472433133142018-05-12T11:08:00.000-07:002018-05-12T11:10:23.452-07:00BEING A MOTHER - 9<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Has anyone ever had an abusive lover, who pulls on hair, hits you with things, calls you names, from whom you can't take your eyes off for a second in the fright of something dangerous coming up? I would have sued him right away or kicked him out of my life with no guilt.<br />
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But when this abuse comes with a lot of unconditional pure love!? </div>
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Tiny fingers through the hair, giggles after the hitting, gibberish names with serious face that sound funny and taking eyes off the guy and he puts himself in danger.<br />
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<u>Toddler</u>hood must be the hardest part of parenting. Their curiosity to try everything, I mean absolutely everything ; be it smearing the poop under the feet, feeling the texture of dog poop, trying the taste of dog food, putting those tiny fingers through the plug holes, tasting the walls, pouring water over various things (mostly the gadgets) and the most interesting thing trying your patience. When they see you going mad, they deliberately do things to push your limits. Language skills are inversely proportional to the curiosity, which makes things worse.<br />
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Meal times and bed times are like war scenes. You have to plan well in advance, plot the war scene tactfully and be ready to bare whatever the opponent comes with. Filling those little tummies is not difficult but feeding them healthy meals and pursuing them to try the rejected food without distracting their attention from food, is a work of patience. Same goes with sleeping. You can let them exhaust themselves to sleep or let them doze off in front of TV but to make them unwind and teach them to put themselves to sleep is an award winning game.<br />
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Okay, most of the time you love it, you find it rewarding but sometimes, just sometimes (in toddlerhood case the sometimes seems to come often) you want to run away, put your head under the pillow and scream or sit in the toilet and cry. All you want is a break but this stage is so consuming that you have already lost your life to it. Hardly any outing alone, and those with the baby are majorly spent bodyguarding him rather than socializing. Your meals are most of the time the leftovers of the toddler or are with plate in one hand, other hand holding onto his arm trying to stop him from jumping into the drawer in the kitchen which you are pushing to keep it tightly closed with one of your foots. Showers and other washroom jobs are of course with them, yelling at them to not squeeze any bottle or pursuing them to put the broom back in place worst being pulling them out of the bucket while halfway through your job. Sleep...!!! I better not describe it. Anyways it hardly happens.<br />
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Love and care are for a mother of a baby but sympathy, empathy and a massive amount of respect is what a mother of a toddler deserves.<br />
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So the next time you see a toddler mother, don't judge her by what she let's her monster do or how her little abusive lover behaves but pat her back or just hug her and tell her that this stage will pass too as the adorable baby stage did. </div>
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-72971095786157146502018-04-01T04:50:00.000-07:002018-04-01T04:50:14.521-07:00THE FIRST KISS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Those eyes locked into yours, that mild smile showcasing the whole saga of unconditional love, that pull of hair showing the assurance that you belonged to him. Magical. Transcendent.<br />
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I received mine today.<br />
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Yes, his first kiss and my first too. Quickly as that happened, I drew the picture of it in my mind, of that time, that lighting, the sound of the ceiling fan in the background and that cute little face smiling at me and those starfish fingers in my hair. Then, humanely I get saddened by the thought that this is going to end in a few years when he grows up. Uff... I dread that time. I pull myself back to the moment and this angelic feeling and wonder; if ever Motherhood happened before love, "lover's first kiss" will be a non-existent term. </div>
ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-11923277151392436842018-01-19T08:14:00.001-08:002018-01-19T08:22:41.701-08:00BEING A MOTHER - 8<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today we turn one.<br />
Me and my son.<br />
The first few days of this year, he sternly refused to sleep anywhere other than on my body and I felt disturbed and irritated as I could not sleep that way and was desperate to sleep; whereas last few days of the year, he kicks and pushes to free himself off my embrace, rolls to the corner of the bed and sleeps off himself and I am still disturbed and irritated as I feel dejected and miss that closeness we shared the whole year. And in between these two stages, I thoroughly enjoyed all the big and tiny progresses he made. At times, I even noticed his growth within a day's time.<br />
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Every baby grows massively in this first magical year and it's kind of a wonder for their parents. But this day, I feel like celebrating my first year more than his. The immense growth that I went through is more of a deal to me than his. You see, molding a soft pliable clay is a play but tempering a hardened and stiffened one is a job. This year, in all, has softened the sharp edges of my personality in an unimaginable way.<br />
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Patience, as all the mothers would agree, is the biggest lesson of all. I have desperately waited for a seven hour uninterrupted sleep and am still waiting. Breastfeeding called for hours and hours of being in one place which tested my patience but when we started on solids, what to say, that phase hardened my patience. But the biggest of all, I would say, was learning to wait and let him explore new things and intervene only when needed than pouncing on before his quest began.<br />
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No judging ; at the beginning of the journey, I had set rules for how to raise him, whom to include and what to include but now I get it that, there is no rule book to raise them the right way. Not everything works the same way for any mother-baby duo. Breastfeeding - no breastfeeding, diapers - no diapers, bottles - no bottles and eventually the same goes for the other things in life too. So no judging .<br />
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Time management ; earlier I would manage just two or three jobs a day and that too one at a time with big breaks or naps or snacks in between but now I can handle quite a lot of things without realizing hunger or thirst and have also mastered to include all my limbs if need be. This year has squeezed out all the laziness off my mind.<br />
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Gender equality, I am a firm believer of this. I had planned to teach my son all the household chores before even I thought of having one. But this one year proved to me that we are NOT equals. Or may be just till we become parents. My husband's sick day is a rest day but my sick day has to incorporate baby's meals, poops, bedtime stories and all the things in between. When the husband is off the baby duty he can switch the parent mode off whereas I have no "off" switch whatsoever.<br />
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But the biggest of all lessons I learnt this year is humanity. The power to be able to influence a soul and then many more souls through that one soul, puts you next to God. And when you realize that you are put next to God, all you want to be is a little better human with every step that you take in your further journey.<br />
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4281748270607617184.post-60015817021489517262017-11-12T20:32:00.001-08:002017-11-12T20:32:48.454-08:00BEING A MOTHER - 7<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I hate monotony.<br />
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But who doesn't?<br />
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Just that I hate it to a little farther extent. I need a break from even the most obvious and "important" monotonous things, like brushing teeth and bathing. Instead I chew a mint gum and put on a whole deodorant can for a day (just to convey, I am not hazardous to be around any given day). So the bottom line is, I completely and wholeheartedly hate monotony.<br />
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But...<br />
Ever since I have boarded the Motherhood bandwagon, my days are exactly, precisely the same. Even the Sundays. And holidays for that matter. I had yoga to my rescue but ever since my baby reached mobility, I lost mine. All I move is to get his things done, which is pretty much the whole day and sometimes I find myself in a time crunch to get things done. I have been trying a little off the chart (off the Google search actually) things to keep a tight hold of my sanity like combing hair once in a few days (to kill the monotony) and making my late night bathroom visits as meditational as possible. I still lose it few times a day.<br />
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But...<br />
Somehow I don't hate it. Somehow I don't give up on the next exact same kind of day. Somehow I did not even think about it as monotonous. Until of course today, when I remembered the past me and compared it to the present me and wondered... How? How am I not getting crazy over this?<br />
And the answer of course is my little bub. He is the only constantly changing detail of my life right now. I notice even the minutest change or development of his and that becomes the highlight of my day. I do have the darkest thoughts haunting me throughout the day, that I might have to nurse him for forever or I might never be able to pursue my career again or I will never get to visit Himalayas again (it is a big deal to me ) and many more.<br />
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Here is the biggest Motherhood lesson to learn. True, that living life on your own terms, realizing your life goals and being recognized by your work is fulfilling but living selflessly to bring up a new life, generating life goals for someone and getting recognized as someone's roots is divine and a little difficult to understand in the beginning of the journey.<br />
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With time you can and will be capable of all that you wish for but this part, the strengthening of the roots part, it needs dedication and complete devotion.<br />
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ankita mathurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08121327486548946739noreply@blogger.com0