JOURNEY TO MOTHERHOOD

Having a working pair of ovaries and healthy uterus does not and cannot make you a mother. It needs a heart filled with forgiveness and kindness and a mind of strength, individuality and wisdom. And no, it does not come to you when you conceive or hold your child first time in your hands. It has to be cultivated, not just for a human you created but for the world and every living being that is going to exist around that human. If your compassion and kindness limit just to the human you created, mind you; it will not imbibe in your little Human's character.

So motherhood does not begin with conceiving a child, it begins way before that. By becoming a body and a character worth for a human to reside in. One should never produce a child because it is the right age, one should produce because they have the right character. Everyone in this case has to work on it but some of us who have lived alone, traveled alone, fought their battles alone, not being anyone's responsibility and not taking anyone's responsibility and finding the reasons of "child making you complete", "saving you from boredom", "giving you purpose in life" absolutely unworthy; for this lot of people it is a little tough time to inculcate these characteristics.

It took me YOGA, a DOG and a NIECE to work my way through motherhood. And no, I am not perfect with my character yet but I am conscious of it.

YOGA
The first two limbs of ashthanga yoga, Yama and Niyama aim to make you a better human. Yama meaning external ethics comprises of ahimsa (non-harming), satya (truthfulness), asteya (non-stealing), brahmacharya (unity, not celibacy) and aprigraha (simplicity and generosity). Niyama meaning internal ethics, comprises of saucha (purity), santosha (contentment), tapas (discipline), svadhyay (self-study) and ishvara pranidhana (service to something bigger, like motherhood). These are the foundation for humanity. If today, every human on earth practises these, we will have a better world to live in. Who would not want these characteristics in their child? But children are just the reflection of our character. So to make them a better human we need not preach this but follow it and set a solid example for them.

DOG
Every second person on earth wants to own a dog but every fifth person understands that owning a dog is a huge responsibility. And only the tenth person denies owning a dog and calls him a companion. This tenth person did not get the dog to show him off to the world or to guard his house but to have a better life for himself and the furry friend. I have worked my way from one in two to one in ten and beyond, putting my best friend's life's importance ahead of mine. We do have a language barrier but so far I have come to understand his language, his dietary needs, his recreation and leisure needs and have reached a point where, the day I feed him the healthiest meal, give him a playful day and a satisfactory good night's sleep I feel the happiest. Isn't that a part of motherhood?

NIECE
My niece was my first close encounter to a human child. Needless to say, I was completely petrified of a new born in the house, having never liked their dependency and their cries and the worry of caging my dog, my baby to ensure her safety. And then we witnessed that, in the beginning the dog barked hearing baby's cries and the baby cried hearing the dog's bark until we introduced them to each other and within seconds, both acknowledged each other's existence.
Catering to my niece in her initial months, I learnt that kids are like moulding clay, you punch the clay and it shows depressions whereas you gently smoothen it out and it shines.  You show anxiety to kids and they cry but you show them joy and curiosity and they laugh. You just work on your skills and they get moulded accordingly. A much needed motherhood lesson.

These three experiences of yoga, dog and niece assure me of my potential motherhood characteristics and my capability to bring up a human who can make a difference to humanity in its own chosen way.

TIGER TROUBLE

‌I heard an interesting insight about tigers recently that when a tiger approaches you, stay still. No, the tiger won't run away. He will come closer and try to nudge you, sniff you and scare you to your bone. He wants you to run, he wants a play, a catch-me-if-you-can game to excite him to kill you. If you don't fall for all he does to instigate you, he will get bored and move away unless he is starving to death (rare case). But how many of us can think of this when a tiger approaches? I guess very few. As we spot a tiger, the mind goes to fight or flight mode. The tiger being not something that can be fought (which is analysed by the brain instantly), we run. We scream our lungs out and outperform our capability to run, to go as far as we can from the tiger.
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‌Now, why would you read this any further knowing that you facing the tiger is one in a million chance? But we face a tiger every now and then in life. Not in the form of striped skin, broad paws, load roars and sharp teeth but as a challenge, a fear, a difficult decision. Life is just that tiger, that wants a little play before it can screw you up. The more you try to run away from it, the more it chases you. The more you try to avoid the encounter, the more it entraps you till it can render you helpless to surrender, to give up and give in. Here comes a time to change or get changed. Rest and digest. When we are completely trapped with no space to move only then we stop and start thinking of a permanent solution. That if thought first, we can save ourselves of all anxiety and running around.
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‌We have been designed by the nature in such a way that if the body and mind are used to their full potential, they get better and better with time. But unfortunately, we believe in updating our computer softwares but not our inbuilt mega computer.
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‌Our autonomous nervous system which is responsible for involuntary and reflexive functions in the body has two divisions. The sympathetic nervous system or the "fight or flight" response, prepares the body for action. It activates automatically and initiates increase in heart rate, contraction of muscles, termination of digestion process and the glycogen conversion to glucose. All this happens to aid our body for fight or flight.
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‌The parasympathetic nervous system or "rest and digest" response, relaxes the body. It has to be worked on and when enabled, it restores the calm and counterbalance to the body to carry on all the bodily systems normally. The more we follow parasympathetic response, the less likely we are to fall prey to anxiety, stress and all related problems.
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‌So clearly, being in "rest and digest" response mode can add more good times to our lives. But how do we exercise it's functioning more? If we don't want a tiger to feed on us all our life from time to time, we got to face him. We got to understand and work out a way to keep him out of our way forever. So, find your niche and indulge in something that truly relaxes you like loving a dog, dancing it out, learning something new, working out and you will see the effect spreading to other spheres of life, helping you to ground those unruly tigers of your mind.
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