THE FIRST KISS

Those eyes locked into yours, that mild smile showcasing the whole saga of unconditional love, that pull of hair showing the assurance that you belonged to him. Magical. Transcendent.

I received mine today.

Yes, his first kiss and my first too. Quickly as that happened, I drew the picture of it in my mind, of that time, that lighting, the sound of the ceiling fan in the background and that cute little face smiling at me and those starfish fingers in my hair. Then, humanely I get saddened by the thought that this is going to end in a few years when he grows up. Uff... I dread that time. I pull myself back to the moment and this angelic feeling and wonder; if ever Motherhood happened before love, "lover's first kiss" will be a non-existent term. 

BEING A MOTHER - 8

Today we turn one.
Me and my son.
The first few days of this year, he sternly refused to sleep anywhere other than on my body and I felt disturbed and irritated as I could not sleep that way and was desperate to sleep; whereas last few days of the year, he kicks and pushes to free himself off my embrace, rolls to the corner of the bed and sleeps off himself and I am still disturbed and irritated as I feel dejected and miss that closeness we shared the whole year. And in between these two stages, I thoroughly enjoyed all the big and tiny progresses he made. At times, I even noticed his growth within a day's time.

Every baby grows massively in this first magical year and it's kind of a wonder for their parents. But this day, I feel like celebrating my first year more than his. The immense growth that I went through is more of a deal to me than his. You see, molding a soft pliable clay is a play but tempering a hardened and stiffened one is a job. This year, in all, has softened the sharp edges of my personality in an unimaginable way.

Patience, as all the mothers would agree, is the biggest lesson of all. I have desperately waited for a seven hour uninterrupted sleep and am still waiting.  Breastfeeding called for hours and hours of being in one place which tested my patience but when we started on solids, what to say, that phase hardened my patience. But the biggest of all, I would say, was learning to wait and let him explore new things and intervene only when needed than pouncing on before his quest began.

No judging ; at the beginning of the journey, I had set rules for how to raise him, whom to include and what to include but now I get it that, there is no rule book to raise them the right way. Not everything works the same way for any mother-baby duo. Breastfeeding - no breastfeeding, diapers - no diapers, bottles - no bottles and eventually the same goes for the other things in life too. So no judging .

Time management ; earlier I would manage just two or three jobs a day and that too one at a time with big breaks or naps or snacks in between but now I can handle quite a lot of things without realizing hunger or thirst and have also mastered to include all my limbs if need be. This year has squeezed out all the laziness off my mind.

Gender equality, I am a firm believer of this. I had planned to teach my son all the household chores before even I thought of having one. But this one year proved to me that we are NOT equals. Or may be just till we become parents. My husband's sick day is a rest day but my sick day has to incorporate baby's meals, poops, bedtime stories and all the things in between. When the husband is off the baby duty he can switch the parent mode off whereas I have no "off" switch whatsoever.

But the biggest of all lessons I learnt this year is humanity. The power to be able to influence a soul and then many more souls through that one soul, puts you next to God. And when you realize that you are put next to God, all you want to be is a little better human with every step that you take in your further journey.

BEING A MOTHER - 7

I hate monotony.

But who doesn't?

Just that I hate it to a little farther extent. I need a break from even the most obvious and "important" monotonous things, like brushing teeth and bathing. Instead I chew a mint gum and put on a whole deodorant can for a day (just to convey, I am not hazardous to be around any given day). So the bottom line is, I completely and wholeheartedly hate monotony.

But...
Ever since I have boarded the Motherhood bandwagon, my days are exactly, precisely the same. Even the Sundays. And holidays for that matter. I had yoga to my rescue but ever since my baby reached mobility, I lost mine. All I move is to get his things done, which is pretty much the whole day and sometimes I find myself in a time crunch to get things done. I have been trying a little off the chart (off the Google search actually) things to keep a tight hold of my sanity like combing hair once in a few days (to kill the monotony) and making my late night bathroom visits as meditational as possible. I still lose it few times a day.

But...
Somehow I don't hate it. Somehow I don't give up on the next exact same kind of day. Somehow I did not even think about it as monotonous. Until of course today, when I remembered the past me and compared it to the present me and wondered...  How? How am I not getting crazy over this?
And the answer of course is my little bub. He is the only constantly changing detail of my life right now. I notice even the minutest change or development of his and that becomes the highlight of my day. I do have the darkest thoughts haunting me throughout the day, that I might have to nurse him for forever or I might never be able to pursue my career again or I will never get to visit Himalayas again (it is a big deal to me ) and many more.

Here is the biggest Motherhood lesson to learn. True, that living life on your own terms, realizing your life goals and being recognized by your work is fulfilling but living selflessly to bring up a new life, generating life goals for someone and getting recognized as someone's roots is divine and a little difficult to understand in the beginning of the journey.

With time you can and will be capable of all that you wish for but this part, the strengthening of the roots part, it needs dedication and complete devotion.

BEING A MOTHER - 6

So after months of inquiring and Googling  about what happens first, crawling or sitting, I gave up and decided to cultivate some patience to watch it myself. Keeping my calm and living with the suspense since he rolled over, finally my little man sat last week.  The exact day is difficult to tell because it's a process and he is still discovering new ways to park his butt and perfecting his skill while trying to catch up a new one.

But the patience and curiosity got me to understand a completely forgotten side of human anatomy.  Everything is a slow and hardwork demanding process. He did not just lay on his tummy till the day he was supposed to sit. He kept working every muscle required for the act and the body balance required. He would pull both his knees in, in tummy down position and try to push himself forward to which everyone would say,  he won't sit or crawl, he will drag himself on his tummy and then start walking. I would find it a proud thing but now I feel,  how no one ever observed the in-between stages of development or were they so insignificant to be mentioned. I laid myself on tummy and got up to sitting position in slow motion many a times to understand and notice the in-between stages and I'm seriously amazed at a baby's understanding of anatomy and our mind's ability to discard the important yet unused information.

To sum the process up,  after flipping over, he did not rest or celebrate the achievement.  But he went to roll over from both sides till he perfected it (practicing even in sleep). Then the knees pulling in and dragging stage came, that ensured him of the leg movements he would require. Then the push ups for his little arms and chest to gain strength to hold up the body weight. I thought here,  that's it, now he is going to crawl anytime. But he knew his steps and anatomy lessons well enough. He rocked back and forth while in push up position. That's a funny looking stage. I thought he is just having fun but he was strengthening his back in sort of cat-cow yoga pose. Thus, he became stable on his fours. It's crawling, I again thought to myself. But instead of taking crawl steps he was trying to balance in the position by lifting one hand in air at a time. And then I thought maybe everyone is right, he will stand up now. Nah... I realize now that it was a step to enable himself to maneuver his torso when time comes. Next was the cutest stage which I was never able to video graph, always being enchanted by its cuteness. He was moving his cute round chubby hips in circles, sometimes taking to extreme right and sometimes swaying to the extreme left. I thought I got a dancer in the house but it was still the wait-for-it moment. The day he managed to sit in an upright position the whole months of workout struck me as a jigsaw puzzle. And the very same day he took his first crawling steps also.

Eureka... Eureka... Eureka...

I always thought, there is only one shot to everything. But here I learnt, life itself gives a second chance to live consciously. To learn, re-learn and unlearn everything with your child.

P. S. - The credits for my son's successful sitting and crawling expeditions goes to my fur child. He is the one motivation for my son to get moving faster. Also now the very next week of two big milestones,  he is trying to stand up to get hold of his furry brother.