MOTHERHOOD - LIFE IS A CIRCLE

Today while putting my son to bed, he held my hand and put it on his head and asked me to caress him. My brain's RAM system took me back to the time when I was little. When something bothered me badly, like some friend issue, some homework problems or less scores or just till recently when I had an official letter asking me for the penalty tax for a wrong return filed, the details of the problem went around in my head till I shared it with one of my parents. I used to ask them to sit by my bedside caressing my head. Their calm face and soothing touch used to tell me that it's not a big deal and I will heal or overcome it. I used to think how come they are so cool? How do they not get panicked by such a huge problem? What would it be if I were in their shoes?

And here I am, in their shoes. Really , life is a circle. I give the same calmness to my son! It is a big big BIG deal for me. I am a grown up! I am equipped to handle his problems!  I can show him peace when he is freaking out!

There is so much learning when you have a guru in body of a tiny toddler.

BEING A MOTHER - 9

Has anyone ever had an abusive lover, who pulls on hair, hits you with things, calls you names, from whom you can't take your eyes off for a second in the fright of something dangerous coming up? I would have sued him right away or kicked him out of my life with no guilt.

But when this abuse comes with a lot of unconditional pure love!?

Tiny fingers through the hair, giggles after the hitting, gibberish names with serious face that sound funny and taking eyes off the guy and he puts himself in danger.

Toddlerhood must be the hardest part of parenting. Their curiosity to try everything, I mean absolutely everything ; be it smearing the poop under the feet, feeling the texture of dog poop, trying the taste of dog food, putting those tiny fingers through the plug holes, tasting the walls, pouring water over various things (mostly the gadgets) and the most interesting thing trying your patience. When they see you going mad, they deliberately do things to push your limits. Language skills are inversely proportional to the curiosity, which makes things worse.

Meal times and bed times are like war scenes. You have to plan well in advance, plot the war scene tactfully and be ready to bare whatever the opponent comes with. Filling those little tummies is not difficult but feeding them healthy meals and pursuing them to try the rejected food without distracting their attention from food, is a work of patience. Same goes with sleeping. You can let them exhaust themselves to sleep or let them doze off in front of TV but to make them unwind and teach them to put themselves to sleep is an award winning game.

Okay, most of the time you love it, you find it rewarding but sometimes, just sometimes (in toddlerhood case the sometimes seems to come often) you want to run away, put your head under the pillow and scream or sit in the toilet and cry. All you want is a break but this stage is so consuming that you have already lost your life to it. Hardly any outing alone, and those with the baby are majorly spent bodyguarding him rather than socializing. Your meals are most of the time the leftovers of the toddler or are with plate in one hand, other hand holding onto his arm trying to stop him from jumping into the drawer in the kitchen which you are pushing to keep it tightly closed with one of your foots. Showers and other washroom jobs are of course with them, yelling at them to not squeeze any bottle or pursuing them to put the broom back in place worst being pulling them out of the bucket while halfway through your job. Sleep...!!! I better not describe it. Anyways it hardly happens.

Love and care are for a mother of a baby but sympathy, empathy and a massive amount of respect is what a mother of a toddler deserves.

So the next time you see a toddler mother, don't judge her by what she let's her monster do or how her little abusive lover behaves but pat her back or just hug her and tell her that this stage will pass too as the adorable baby stage did.

THE FIRST KISS

Those eyes locked into yours, that mild smile showcasing the whole saga of unconditional love, that pull of hair showing the assurance that you belonged to him. Magical. Transcendent.

I received mine today.

Yes, his first kiss and my first too. Quickly as that happened, I drew the picture of it in my mind, of that time, that lighting, the sound of the ceiling fan in the background and that cute little face smiling at me and those starfish fingers in my hair. Then, humanely I get saddened by the thought that this is going to end in a few years when he grows up. Uff... I dread that time. I pull myself back to the moment and this angelic feeling and wonder; if ever Motherhood happened before love, "lover's first kiss" will be a non-existent term. 

BEING A MOTHER - 8

Today we turn one.
Me and my son.
The first few days of this year, he sternly refused to sleep anywhere other than on my body and I felt disturbed and irritated as I could not sleep that way and was desperate to sleep; whereas last few days of the year, he kicks and pushes to free himself off my embrace, rolls to the corner of the bed and sleeps off himself and I am still disturbed and irritated as I feel dejected and miss that closeness we shared the whole year. And in between these two stages, I thoroughly enjoyed all the big and tiny progresses he made. At times, I even noticed his growth within a day's time.

Every baby grows massively in this first magical year and it's kind of a wonder for their parents. But this day, I feel like celebrating my first year more than his. The immense growth that I went through is more of a deal to me than his. You see, molding a soft pliable clay is a play but tempering a hardened and stiffened one is a job. This year, in all, has softened the sharp edges of my personality in an unimaginable way.

Patience, as all the mothers would agree, is the biggest lesson of all. I have desperately waited for a seven hour uninterrupted sleep and am still waiting.  Breastfeeding called for hours and hours of being in one place which tested my patience but when we started on solids, what to say, that phase hardened my patience. But the biggest of all, I would say, was learning to wait and let him explore new things and intervene only when needed than pouncing on before his quest began.

No judging ; at the beginning of the journey, I had set rules for how to raise him, whom to include and what to include but now I get it that, there is no rule book to raise them the right way. Not everything works the same way for any mother-baby duo. Breastfeeding - no breastfeeding, diapers - no diapers, bottles - no bottles and eventually the same goes for the other things in life too. So no judging .

Time management ; earlier I would manage just two or three jobs a day and that too one at a time with big breaks or naps or snacks in between but now I can handle quite a lot of things without realizing hunger or thirst and have also mastered to include all my limbs if need be. This year has squeezed out all the laziness off my mind.

Gender equality, I am a firm believer of this. I had planned to teach my son all the household chores before even I thought of having one. But this one year proved to me that we are NOT equals. Or may be just till we become parents. My husband's sick day is a rest day but my sick day has to incorporate baby's meals, poops, bedtime stories and all the things in between. When the husband is off the baby duty he can switch the parent mode off whereas I have no "off" switch whatsoever.

But the biggest of all lessons I learnt this year is humanity. The power to be able to influence a soul and then many more souls through that one soul, puts you next to God. And when you realize that you are put next to God, all you want to be is a little better human with every step that you take in your further journey.