When I joined my first job in the big city Mumbai with lots of aims and ambitions of exploring the city, working hard towards self progress, working out daily, enjoying the big city life; I ended up returning home after work, all exhausted of train journey, work load and over time. I ended up every night in front of T.V. with the feeling of wasting the whole day without any activity that could refresh me or energize me. I used to keep flipping the channels to feel as if I am doing something more than just the usual till my eyelids got heavy and forcefully shut me down for the day.
Day after day, week after week and season after season, I saw my life passing by. One similar day, after a long day at site and in office; returning to my T.V. I realized the door to my apartment got jammed. I tried various speeds and finger skills to turn the key the right way, kicked the damn door, pushed it with all my strength, punched it till my knuckles were bruised, banged my head on it. All my collected frustration of many months busted out in a loud cry. I sat against the door and cried for a long time. I don't know if I was crying for not being able to return to my boring everyday life or was I so used to it that it scared me of where to go and what to do?
After the tears dried, I called up a friend whom I was supposed to call every weekend to hangout together but I did not. She came to my rescue and then we went out for dinner and a late night stroll on the beach to do all the catching up. I realized that a good day was just a jammed door away. That day changed my further outlook towards life. Everyday I tried wrapping up early at office no matter what, went to meet friends, joined a direction course I wanted to try my hand on since long and also locked myself out of the apartment every weekend to go and explore what the city had to offer.
Since then I have felt many a times that life gets stuck at many points, at many instances, when we loose our ultimate focus no matter how much we had sworn by it or worked towards it and end up caught in the routine. At these times, the feeling of helplessness, fear of change and many such virtual blockages start bulling us until a "jammed door" comes to our rescue in some form.
I have, hence understood the significance of such "jammed door" but have still not attained the power to eradicate its need. I still find myself longing for a jammed door to forcefully turn myself the other way or the desired way.
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