JOURNEY TO MOTHERHOOD

Having a working pair of ovaries and healthy uterus does not and cannot make you a mother. It needs a heart filled with forgiveness and kindness and a mind of strength, individuality and wisdom. And no, it does not come to you when you conceive or hold your child first time in your hands. It has to be cultivated, not just for a human you created but for the world and every living being that is going to exist around that human. If your compassion and kindness limit just to the human you created, mind you; it will not imbibe in your little Human's character.

So motherhood does not begin with conceiving a child, it begins way before that. By becoming a body and a character worth for a human to reside in. One should never produce a child because it is the right age, one should produce because they have the right character. Everyone in this case has to work on it but some of us who have lived alone, traveled alone, fought their battles alone, not being anyone's responsibility and not taking anyone's responsibility and finding the reasons of "child making you complete", "saving you from boredom", "giving you purpose in life" absolutely unworthy; for this lot of people it is a little tough time to inculcate these characteristics.

It took me YOGA, a DOG and a NIECE to work my way through motherhood. And no, I am not perfect with my character yet but I am conscious of it.

YOGA
The first two limbs of ashthanga yoga, Yama and Niyama aim to make you a better human. Yama meaning external ethics comprises of ahimsa (non-harming), satya (truthfulness), asteya (non-stealing), brahmacharya (unity, not celibacy) and aprigraha (simplicity and generosity). Niyama meaning internal ethics, comprises of saucha (purity), santosha (contentment), tapas (discipline), svadhyay (self-study) and ishvara pranidhana (service to something bigger, like motherhood). These are the foundation for humanity. If today, every human on earth practises these, we will have a better world to live in. Who would not want these characteristics in their child? But children are just the reflection of our character. So to make them a better human we need not preach this but follow it and set a solid example for them.

DOG
Every second person on earth wants to own a dog but every fifth person understands that owning a dog is a huge responsibility. And only the tenth person denies owning a dog and calls him a companion. This tenth person did not get the dog to show him off to the world or to guard his house but to have a better life for himself and the furry friend. I have worked my way from one in two to one in ten and beyond, putting my best friend's life's importance ahead of mine. We do have a language barrier but so far I have come to understand his language, his dietary needs, his recreation and leisure needs and have reached a point where, the day I feed him the healthiest meal, give him a playful day and a satisfactory good night's sleep I feel the happiest. Isn't that a part of motherhood?

NIECE
My niece was my first close encounter to a human child. Needless to say, I was completely petrified of a new born in the house, having never liked their dependency and their cries and the worry of caging my dog, my baby to ensure her safety. And then we witnessed that, in the beginning the dog barked hearing baby's cries and the baby cried hearing the dog's bark until we introduced them to each other and within seconds, both acknowledged each other's existence.
Catering to my niece in her initial months, I learnt that kids are like moulding clay, you punch the clay and it shows depressions whereas you gently smoothen it out and it shines.  You show anxiety to kids and they cry but you show them joy and curiosity and they laugh. You just work on your skills and they get moulded accordingly. A much needed motherhood lesson.

These three experiences of yoga, dog and niece assure me of my potential motherhood characteristics and my capability to bring up a human who can make a difference to humanity in its own chosen way.