TRIAL ROOM CONFESSION OF A MOM-TO-BE

I just remembered that day when I went to shop for my wedding lehenga. Out of all the traditional wedding colours and styles I picked the one for myself which was hanging at the end of display rack, ignored by the other brides there shopping for their big day.

When I tried that unusual royal blue raw silk lehenga with a nine inch stark and bare copper hem at the bottom and walked my way from the trial room to the little mirrored corner stage, I felt many eyes following me. And not just others, even I was stunned to see myself in it. The perfect fall of the lehenga, the toned fatless belly through the net dupatta, the honed back and the flabless arms. I finally, had found a satisfactory day for my trial room diaries.

Back to today after realising that I have outgrown quite a lot in my wardrobe, leaving me to a few office wears and zero casual wears; I went to shop for my new size and my near future size. As I was picking all "L" and "XL" from the store, a salesperson ran to my help to guide me to my correct size which according to him was "M". Which it is so far but he is unknown to my changing body and I had to tell him that I plan to put on a few more kilos and want to shop for a fatter me. With a puzzled look, he helped me with my chosen size but;there I was in the trial room again, staring my growing belly and love handles suddenly showing up.

Many who meet me these days, even those who know that I have a growing human inside me don't hesitate to tell me how much I have put on and some even tell me where. And there are a lot of  complications and antidotes about pregnancy weight gain that I am warned and suggested of these days. Pregnancy is a mysterious journey one embarks on?! Expecting women are already concerned and conscious and do not need to be reminded of weight machine digits soaring higher every week. If not appreciated for our superhuman act, just leave us alone with our crazy hormones!!

I am rounding off everywhere, having aching body parts and over stretched muscles everyday and nothing being self-induced, I don't deserve those mean comments. I don't know how much more i will put on till the end of pregnancy and how much I will be able to squeeze out immediately on the labour table. Also I am not sure how my priority graph shapes once the baby is in my hands. But neither do I give a damn about getting back to my fit muscles and tight belly nor I am too worried about weight, not to enjoy and appreciate the miraculous job my body has undertaken. I am a clean and careful eater and also a fitness buff, so that makes me less fond of slim body and more fond of challenging it. I miss those squat repetitions, arm balancing postures, deep lunges and inversions more than my pre-pregnancy body.

Every mom-to-be should remember and remind others that we don't own the baby's destiny and neither it can own ours. It's not just the pre-pregnancy body but the pre-pregnancy life that we should aim for. Providing for the baby becomes a foremost job but giving up on yourself is the first down step of parenting.

So in this trial room today, I mirror the fact that my self respect and health here on are not just for my life but to set an example for my baby to learn respecting the only thing that we actually own in life - our body (our mental and physical self).