BEING A MOTHER - 4

Now that I am a mother to a little man, I know why the mother-in-laws have unlikely feelings for their daughter in-laws.

As I caress my little man, I think of the fact that I am the first woman in his life, I am the one whom he'll kiss first, the one whose cooking he'll appreciate for the years to come, with whom he'll dance to absolutely any tune on earth. To me, he is the first man whose life will completely revolve around me for the coming years. He is the true, nurtured love of my life.

And someday, he will come to me, hand in hand with some girl, calling her his first love. It will shift the ground under my feet. By then, I will be so used to being the one focus in his life that suddenly being blurred out by someone will be unacceptable. They will be the two strangers sharing a charismatic connection in snap of a time, which took me years and years to build between us. She will be on the same page with him on every topic, instantaneously, where I will be updating myself constantly, every moment, to match his pace. Ofcourse, I will feel rejected, left out and ignored to feel envious and competitive for the girl in his frame then.

I shake off the thoughts and look at my little man in my arms, starring at me, waiting for me to smile at him, for my approval, for my appreciation. I think, I am crazy to go so bizarre in my mind when he is still so small to fit perfectly in my arms. But I guess, l just figured out why my mother-in-law secretly dislikes me sometimes and approves my husband's most abrupt ideas which I disapprove and laugh at.

P.S. I hope my yoga practice teaches me detachment till I reach this stage of life.

BEING A MOTHER -3

I've stroked four little paws,
Before these two little feet
changed my laws

Two tiny eyes stared me
all the time,
Before I got the ones
that looked like mine

I learned the chattering
of a wagging tail,
Long before I picked up
the babbling trail

I kissed a wet nose and
a hairy forehead,
Before I found this tiny nose
and cheeks so red

A ten incher has always
followed me
Way before a three feeter
will ever stalk me

They say - "Now that you're a mom,
you've lot to explore"
I say - "Yeah, I know
I've been a mother before"

BEING A MOTHER -2

I was a person who loved puppies and kittens more than babies. And I never pondered on why and why not.

Yesterday when my 6 weeks old boy got up in the middle of the night babbling and cooing, I woke up and lit up the mobile torch pointing it to the ceiling to check with him without allowing much light to disturb his tiny eyes. I was attending and responding to his callings when suddenly he stopped moving and kept staring at the ceiling. I tried to break his stare and make him look at me but he kept his gaze firm and gave a gentle smile which made me draw my attention to where he was looking. He was smiling at the moving shadow of my hands on the ceiling. That was like the first Eureka moment for him. I got overjoyed and excited and then lying besides him I made a dog, a snake, a bird and whatever I could in the shadows and the rewarding laughter and smiles I got in return got me to the answers of my never thought questions. Puppies and kittens respond to your warmth and love instantaneously while babies are work of patience.

It is similar to sowing a seed and then watering the soil for days before the sapling breaks through the ground. I had been asking every parent around me that when do babies laugh or hold their heads firm or turn on their tummy or respond to our voices, tired of just nursing him and watching him sleep all the time. But now I know patience, perseverance and hope - that is all it takes. Where I was worried about he being afraid of darkness, he found his first genuine laughter in that darkness. And his first Eureka moment is my first Eureka moment too about how simple the joys of life can be. And that he is yet to set his vocabulary of feelings where he is unaware of negativity of darkness, fear or any such things and I can be his guide in setting the positive ones that he can live by.

BEING A MOTHER - 1

People who visited me after I delivered, have asked one thing - how does it feel being a mother? And I was not able to answer them in a word. Later, I thought to myself, is something wrong with me that I can't say " it's fantastic feeling, I feel on top of the world" or "now I feel complete". But the fact was, I felt none of it. Neither I am depressed about anything. Giving birth was the biggest physical challenge I have faced but it did not make me feel motherhood instantaneously. But when today, we went for his vaccination and he cried during the injections, tears trickled down my eyes.
This magical connection I felt in that moment, realised me of being a mother.
And this reminded me of Sadguru's quote on motherhood " the beauty of motherhood is not in reproduction but in inclusion".